I always thought my generation was one of the worst generations and I still believe that but some of the adults now are terrible teachers. It's sad to see the world the way it is becoming.
Yesterday my mom and I went shopping, we had just parked and were heading into the store when we say this kid leave a shopping cart right behind a car instead of taking it 5 more steps to its supposed location, where it really belongs! My mom and I turned to the kid and were like "Really?" The kid looked us straight in the eye then turned around and walked away! His mom gave us a dirty look! Really?!
A week prior to this situation I was babysitting and went to the store with this child, we were sitting outside eating ice scream when this man parked over two spots in a handicap zone with no handicap permit. He got out of his car, looked at me, and kept walking! I snapped a few pictures and we sat outside eating until he came back out, got in his car, and sat there on his phone. Seriously people?!
It's already bad enough that society is so high paced and introverted that no one gives a crap about each other or anyone but themselves now we are teaching the future generations such bad habits! The same goes for driving. Recently I passed my driving test, and since I live in a city I decided to take the test in a city environment for the fact that I will be spending most of my life driving in a city. Everyone around me, however, took their test in a country setting because it's "so easy to pass." I am going to die! How can I trust the drivers around me if they took their test where there's nothing but cows?! It's so easy, I get it, no one wants to challenge themselves, which is why a lot of immigrants are taking hard labor jobs because no one wants to work hard. Everyone wants that teacher that gives easy A's, or that elective that gives you credit just for showing up. It's so easy to find the easy way out but life is not that simple and all those people will be screwed when they find that out. I for one love challenges and being logical. Why in the world would I take my driving test in the country setting when I live in a city? Why would I take regular classes if the subject is so easy to me? Why would I speed when I know I may get caught? Where's the fun in the easy way out? I see no reason to take the easy way.
As for the children of the world, seriously parents, teach your kids to have respect. If by the age of 10 they are cussing you are doing a bad job. If by the age of 6 your child is obese, get them into a sport ASAP! By high school they should be testing their limits, seeing the world in a different perspective, and being respectful. If your kid by the age of 16 cannot have deep, logical conversations, they are not being tested by life. It is important that kids grow up to be better than we were not worse. The challenge this week: Be smart.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Compassion
I've realized I don't have as much free time on my hands like I used to but now that I look back on my posts, I rant a lot, and I apologize for stressing such small and insignificant issues that really do not compare to major circumstances. I truly am a teenager.
Looking around me, I find myself surrounded by such a variety of individuals that are either a good influence or a bad one. My goal as a teacher for confirmation students is to be able to get through to them and have them trust me the way I trust them. I can only hope they do not repeat my personal stories but if that's the choice they make, then maybe they're not the kind of person I thought they'd be.
Tonight I shared one of my most personally stories, the one that makes me cry remembering the emotions I went through, I have a feeling that I got through to some of them, that they really were listening to me. It's a strategy I tend to use to make them believe me when I say, "I get really personal and I just hope you don't tell anyone. I am trusting you." It hurts to bring up the past, but sometimes the past is where you see how much you've grown and how much you can still change.
There is no perfect person in this world, but that does not mean you need to abandon all hope; change and you will see the difference. I am immature, crazy, and sometimes, no, I usually overreact for nothing in particular. There are times where I do not understand how my family or my boyfriend put up with me, I go berserk and scream and yell and cry and through tremendous fits even at the age I am. I tend to think maybe I grew up too fast and now my childhood caught up to me, or maybe, I'm just insane and have no idea what I'm doing, but I do want people to see I have a lot of faces, and I know there are a lot of people who go through the same, but I don't know which face I really am.
I've lost myself through the transitions and cannot remember who I was as a child or who I want to be, my mind gets filled with doubts and rumors and believe what anyone tells me. "You're bipolar!" Maybe I am. "You're 'emo.'" At some point. "You're a liar." Only when it's necessary. "You fight too much." Yes, I do. Honestly, I will agree with almost anything anyone ever tells me, but the one thing I know for sure is when someone tries to put me down that only means they've done something wrong if not worse than what I have. Everyone has their stories, who am I to judge? I am an open-minded person and I pray to God that I can reach people and make them see the brighter side. Hopefully I find out who I am during the process. It's time to find a way to help each.
Recently during my English class there was a debate on how society treats each other. "There are less compassionate people in this world." There are only a few stories you hear, here and there, that are about people doing a good deed for someone else, but, to be honest, they're becoming pretty rare. Everyone is starting to think that anyone who begs will only use money for drugs or alcohol, who are we to know if they truly are struggling. Personally, I don't care what they do with the money, whatever money I give is usually money that would have been squandered on useless things, maybe they will get drugs but at least my conscience is clean and I feel better that I did something that could potentially help someone in their time of need.
I'd like to see more kindness in the world and less judgment. Here's my challenge to you: Don't think. By that I mean, try to be selfless and not worry if someone else is going to appreciate what you've done or not. You've done what you can and that's all that matters. Do a good deed and don't repent or beat yourself up about, you've made a difference in the world, that's all that matters.
Looking around me, I find myself surrounded by such a variety of individuals that are either a good influence or a bad one. My goal as a teacher for confirmation students is to be able to get through to them and have them trust me the way I trust them. I can only hope they do not repeat my personal stories but if that's the choice they make, then maybe they're not the kind of person I thought they'd be.
Tonight I shared one of my most personally stories, the one that makes me cry remembering the emotions I went through, I have a feeling that I got through to some of them, that they really were listening to me. It's a strategy I tend to use to make them believe me when I say, "I get really personal and I just hope you don't tell anyone. I am trusting you." It hurts to bring up the past, but sometimes the past is where you see how much you've grown and how much you can still change.
There is no perfect person in this world, but that does not mean you need to abandon all hope; change and you will see the difference. I am immature, crazy, and sometimes, no, I usually overreact for nothing in particular. There are times where I do not understand how my family or my boyfriend put up with me, I go berserk and scream and yell and cry and through tremendous fits even at the age I am. I tend to think maybe I grew up too fast and now my childhood caught up to me, or maybe, I'm just insane and have no idea what I'm doing, but I do want people to see I have a lot of faces, and I know there are a lot of people who go through the same, but I don't know which face I really am.
I've lost myself through the transitions and cannot remember who I was as a child or who I want to be, my mind gets filled with doubts and rumors and believe what anyone tells me. "You're bipolar!" Maybe I am. "You're 'emo.'" At some point. "You're a liar." Only when it's necessary. "You fight too much." Yes, I do. Honestly, I will agree with almost anything anyone ever tells me, but the one thing I know for sure is when someone tries to put me down that only means they've done something wrong if not worse than what I have. Everyone has their stories, who am I to judge? I am an open-minded person and I pray to God that I can reach people and make them see the brighter side. Hopefully I find out who I am during the process. It's time to find a way to help each.
Recently during my English class there was a debate on how society treats each other. "There are less compassionate people in this world." There are only a few stories you hear, here and there, that are about people doing a good deed for someone else, but, to be honest, they're becoming pretty rare. Everyone is starting to think that anyone who begs will only use money for drugs or alcohol, who are we to know if they truly are struggling. Personally, I don't care what they do with the money, whatever money I give is usually money that would have been squandered on useless things, maybe they will get drugs but at least my conscience is clean and I feel better that I did something that could potentially help someone in their time of need.
I'd like to see more kindness in the world and less judgment. Here's my challenge to you: Don't think. By that I mean, try to be selfless and not worry if someone else is going to appreciate what you've done or not. You've done what you can and that's all that matters. Do a good deed and don't repent or beat yourself up about, you've made a difference in the world, that's all that matters.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Be smart
Are girls nowadays that misled? Are we falling down the chart of intelligence? Honestly, I fear for our well-being. There have been too many incidents and issues that have arisen because of teens being, well, for lack of a better word, dumb.
Recently, there was a movie on TV that my mom had recorded. I'm not sure what its title is, and I missed most of the movie, but towards the end it is discovered that the protagonist's mother was guilty of posting videos or pictures of her daughter, potentially ruining her future. This movie definitely got me thinking, but just thinking simply disappears after 24 hours. However, I had overheard a few males who attend my high school talk about girls, who also attend our school, who had sent naked pictures of themselves to someone but those pictures were sent around and most of the males are currently in possession of these photos. I am disgusted.
According to Libby Quaid, who wrote of this topic on huffingtonpost.com, 1 in 4 teens admit to sending naked pictures of themselves. 1 in 4! Teens are slowly losing my respect. The fact that a lot of the girls who have sent pictures of themselves are girls I know or have grown up with and that disturbs me more than anything. I don't care how much they "trust him" no guy can keep that to himself, be honest with yourself girls! RESPECT yourself! These pictures don't just go away, with a snap and a click those pictures will not only be sent to the person you intend to send it to, but also his friends, the internet maybe, and sometimes it makes a full circle and ends up on a phone or screen of someone you DID NOT want to see that photo.
At the same time, when you send a picture of yourself, there's nothing left to the imagination and the conquest to be boyfriend and girlfriend is lost because everyone automatically assumes they'll "get some" and be done with it. Boys at our age are not as respectful as we expect them to be. Personally, I do not see an age where boys finally mature to the point that they do not do stupid things like forward naked pictures of a girl, and I've met plenty of older men to understand they will almost always resend that photo. Please, girls, be conscious of your actions because anything you regret will always come back to haunt you, no matter how "cool" you are, how much you "trust him," or even how much you "don't give a fuck," you will care. If you don't, I do, because you not only ruin the reputation for yourself but also the rest of us girls. Once one girl sends a picture, all girls are expected to and that's just not fair. I am not trying to put guys down, I just see it more commonly in girls; yes, I am aware that boys also fall victim to this and I hope you heed my advice.
Here's my challenge to you "sexters" out there: Respect yourself and receive respect in return. Stop sending naked pictures or any kind of dirty picture and see how differently you are treated.
Please, be careful. Be aware!
Recently, there was a movie on TV that my mom had recorded. I'm not sure what its title is, and I missed most of the movie, but towards the end it is discovered that the protagonist's mother was guilty of posting videos or pictures of her daughter, potentially ruining her future. This movie definitely got me thinking, but just thinking simply disappears after 24 hours. However, I had overheard a few males who attend my high school talk about girls, who also attend our school, who had sent naked pictures of themselves to someone but those pictures were sent around and most of the males are currently in possession of these photos. I am disgusted.
According to Libby Quaid, who wrote of this topic on huffingtonpost.com, 1 in 4 teens admit to sending naked pictures of themselves. 1 in 4! Teens are slowly losing my respect. The fact that a lot of the girls who have sent pictures of themselves are girls I know or have grown up with and that disturbs me more than anything. I don't care how much they "trust him" no guy can keep that to himself, be honest with yourself girls! RESPECT yourself! These pictures don't just go away, with a snap and a click those pictures will not only be sent to the person you intend to send it to, but also his friends, the internet maybe, and sometimes it makes a full circle and ends up on a phone or screen of someone you DID NOT want to see that photo.
At the same time, when you send a picture of yourself, there's nothing left to the imagination and the conquest to be boyfriend and girlfriend is lost because everyone automatically assumes they'll "get some" and be done with it. Boys at our age are not as respectful as we expect them to be. Personally, I do not see an age where boys finally mature to the point that they do not do stupid things like forward naked pictures of a girl, and I've met plenty of older men to understand they will almost always resend that photo. Please, girls, be conscious of your actions because anything you regret will always come back to haunt you, no matter how "cool" you are, how much you "trust him," or even how much you "don't give a fuck," you will care. If you don't, I do, because you not only ruin the reputation for yourself but also the rest of us girls. Once one girl sends a picture, all girls are expected to and that's just not fair. I am not trying to put guys down, I just see it more commonly in girls; yes, I am aware that boys also fall victim to this and I hope you heed my advice.
Here's my challenge to you "sexters" out there: Respect yourself and receive respect in return. Stop sending naked pictures or any kind of dirty picture and see how differently you are treated.
Please, be careful. Be aware!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
I'm wrong
Can I do anything right? I try so hard to please people and make good impressions but is what I'm doing wrong? Maybe I'm not working hard enough, maybe I need to try better, study longer, be nicer. But then I stop to think, wait, why am I the only one doing anything?
If something goes wrong at school, it's my fault for not getting a good grade. If my boyfriend and I get into an argument, I'm the one overreacting. When there's a rumor, it's my fault for influencing it. No matter what I do, I come out on the bottom. It's all my fault I should have known better. You know what? Yes, I should have known the world would be against me at some point.
I can never be good enough. I want too much and work so little. Apparently, I'm not as smart as I thought I was and no one is afraid to tell me that. When I worry or care people get annoyed by me and tell me to "back off." Yes, I set myself up to be disappointed, I expect so much out of people but I need to remind myself that I am alone. Everyone will always be against me. I can do nothing right. When I want things to work, and I really hope they do, I'm expecting too much. When I know that someone I am friends with can succeed if they try hard, I will do whatever I can to help them and tell them they can do it, but no, I'm expecting too much and pushing them too hard. Am I doing something wrong?
I thought I was a hard working student, but I'm "maybe average" and need to "study more." My grades "have to raise" even though it's only the fourth week of school and so little of my grades have been put in. I need to "stop acting like this" and just "relax" but how can I when I'm suppose to be doing so much for so many people. I have to succeed. But it's okay if someone else screws up because they have an excuse to be that way, it's "how they are" and I have to accept that. So why am I the only one changing and that's okay? I thought people had to accept me for who I am? No, it's because it's me that everyone else is doing the right thing and I'm the only one doing wrong.
I learned today that no matter what I think, I am always wrong. When I think something is unfair to me, it's okay since it's someone else committing the issue. When I think I deserve a little bit better, I am not only setting myself up for disappointment and expecting too much. Somehow I thought people could change for me, for my sake, not because I tell them to, but I was wrong. I'm still the one with the problems and need to fix that. There's no way out of this misery.
If something goes wrong at school, it's my fault for not getting a good grade. If my boyfriend and I get into an argument, I'm the one overreacting. When there's a rumor, it's my fault for influencing it. No matter what I do, I come out on the bottom. It's all my fault I should have known better. You know what? Yes, I should have known the world would be against me at some point.
I can never be good enough. I want too much and work so little. Apparently, I'm not as smart as I thought I was and no one is afraid to tell me that. When I worry or care people get annoyed by me and tell me to "back off." Yes, I set myself up to be disappointed, I expect so much out of people but I need to remind myself that I am alone. Everyone will always be against me. I can do nothing right. When I want things to work, and I really hope they do, I'm expecting too much. When I know that someone I am friends with can succeed if they try hard, I will do whatever I can to help them and tell them they can do it, but no, I'm expecting too much and pushing them too hard. Am I doing something wrong?
I thought I was a hard working student, but I'm "maybe average" and need to "study more." My grades "have to raise" even though it's only the fourth week of school and so little of my grades have been put in. I need to "stop acting like this" and just "relax" but how can I when I'm suppose to be doing so much for so many people. I have to succeed. But it's okay if someone else screws up because they have an excuse to be that way, it's "how they are" and I have to accept that. So why am I the only one changing and that's okay? I thought people had to accept me for who I am? No, it's because it's me that everyone else is doing the right thing and I'm the only one doing wrong.
I learned today that no matter what I think, I am always wrong. When I think something is unfair to me, it's okay since it's someone else committing the issue. When I think I deserve a little bit better, I am not only setting myself up for disappointment and expecting too much. Somehow I thought people could change for me, for my sake, not because I tell them to, but I was wrong. I'm still the one with the problems and need to fix that. There's no way out of this misery.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Happiness
Recently, my mom and I traveled to Cartagena, it´s a city by the coast of Colombia. While I was there I had the opportunity to spend time with my mom´s cousin. He´s the Captian of the Young marines, and he earned so much respect from me. On top of going through so much, he understands and appreciates life and has taught me so much.
He talked a lot about appreciating life and forgiving because if you hold in too much hate, it´ll burn inside you longer and it´s more excruciating than taking a bullet. At the same time he admits that he´s made mistakes in life but has learned from them and aims to fix those mistakes if not prevent them from occurring again.
My respect for him grows more and more every time I see and or here from him. Most of all I enjoy getting the opportunity to hear him talk because he has so much to say and such good advice. "Dios aprieta pero no ahoga." My translation of his quote is "God tightens, but He doesn´t choke." My mom´s cousin told me that life is too short not to live it to the fullest and enjoy yourself. Happiness is more important than anything else and education is something that will get you through life.
My mom's cousin is just one of many men and women who save our lives every single day, or at least protects us from what we are too afraid to confront: death. Yet, it's not death that I want to talk about it's happiness. Happiness gets lost behind so much stress and tears and insignificant fights. It's better to take some time for yourself and feel happy.
I got back from Colombia 2 days ago and seeing my boyfriend and friends again makes me happy to know that people really did miss me. Tomorrow I am making the attempt to go volunteer again at my church because I missed everyone there. Last night, however, was a night I hope to remember forever. I got to go eat with my friends then go to the park at night and talk to them. We split up, two and two, and I went to talk to Bobby. Bobby is truly an anchor for me and is always there for me. We were catching up, talking about my vacation and his trip visiting Universities. At some point in our conversation, things got serious.
Senior year, it was something we wanted to enjoy and hopefully with each other. He told me that I was very strong and that he admires me for what I've been through and what I continue to face. Honestly, he spoke very nice words to me that I hadn't heard in a long time and that made me appreciate him as a friend and admire him as a person. He's less than a month younger than me but the way he speaks is way beyond his years. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to an adult, but that's what makes him so special. He knows just what to say and do and he truly has things figured out. He knows how he wants to live and is proud of it.
On the other hand, I'm lost, still trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. Decisions for me are too complicated and take too much time. It's hard for me to admit what I feel to people but can talk about it like crazy to other people. Attention and drama is normally what I look for and that's a bad habit that could potentially get me into a lot of trouble. Bobby really helped me see that no matter what I decide to say or do it was my choice and I need to take the responsibility without feeling guilty about it or it'll eat me up inside.
My worst fear is doing harm to anybody. Hurting someone's feelings or making them feel excluded. Seeing anyone cry makes me want to cry. Someone freaking out makes me want to help calm them down and find out what's wrong. "What if's" flood my mind and I can never get a clear response. At the same time it's like there's so many signs showing me the answer but I never know whether they're temptations or signs. The world is a complicated place but my mind is a hassle and a child. I'm indecisive and unsure of myself. I'm paranoid and lost.
Soon, I tell myself, things will change for the better whether it's someone else in the picture or up to me to accomplish it. I'm taking control from now on and even thought I'm scared, Bobby helped assure me that there's no wrong answer, and whether I think it's a mistake somehow, in the end, it helped me learn and grow and make just that much stronger than I was. There's nothing more I search for than to be happy with those around me.
Here's my challenge to you: Make a list, almost like a bucket list, and inspire yourself to accomplish something, anything. Big, small, insignificant. Anything that'll make you feel like you accomplished something and can do anything in life.
He talked a lot about appreciating life and forgiving because if you hold in too much hate, it´ll burn inside you longer and it´s more excruciating than taking a bullet. At the same time he admits that he´s made mistakes in life but has learned from them and aims to fix those mistakes if not prevent them from occurring again.
My respect for him grows more and more every time I see and or here from him. Most of all I enjoy getting the opportunity to hear him talk because he has so much to say and such good advice. "Dios aprieta pero no ahoga." My translation of his quote is "God tightens, but He doesn´t choke." My mom´s cousin told me that life is too short not to live it to the fullest and enjoy yourself. Happiness is more important than anything else and education is something that will get you through life.
My mom's cousin is just one of many men and women who save our lives every single day, or at least protects us from what we are too afraid to confront: death. Yet, it's not death that I want to talk about it's happiness. Happiness gets lost behind so much stress and tears and insignificant fights. It's better to take some time for yourself and feel happy.
I got back from Colombia 2 days ago and seeing my boyfriend and friends again makes me happy to know that people really did miss me. Tomorrow I am making the attempt to go volunteer again at my church because I missed everyone there. Last night, however, was a night I hope to remember forever. I got to go eat with my friends then go to the park at night and talk to them. We split up, two and two, and I went to talk to Bobby. Bobby is truly an anchor for me and is always there for me. We were catching up, talking about my vacation and his trip visiting Universities. At some point in our conversation, things got serious.
Senior year, it was something we wanted to enjoy and hopefully with each other. He told me that I was very strong and that he admires me for what I've been through and what I continue to face. Honestly, he spoke very nice words to me that I hadn't heard in a long time and that made me appreciate him as a friend and admire him as a person. He's less than a month younger than me but the way he speaks is way beyond his years. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to an adult, but that's what makes him so special. He knows just what to say and do and he truly has things figured out. He knows how he wants to live and is proud of it.
On the other hand, I'm lost, still trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. Decisions for me are too complicated and take too much time. It's hard for me to admit what I feel to people but can talk about it like crazy to other people. Attention and drama is normally what I look for and that's a bad habit that could potentially get me into a lot of trouble. Bobby really helped me see that no matter what I decide to say or do it was my choice and I need to take the responsibility without feeling guilty about it or it'll eat me up inside.
My worst fear is doing harm to anybody. Hurting someone's feelings or making them feel excluded. Seeing anyone cry makes me want to cry. Someone freaking out makes me want to help calm them down and find out what's wrong. "What if's" flood my mind and I can never get a clear response. At the same time it's like there's so many signs showing me the answer but I never know whether they're temptations or signs. The world is a complicated place but my mind is a hassle and a child. I'm indecisive and unsure of myself. I'm paranoid and lost.
Soon, I tell myself, things will change for the better whether it's someone else in the picture or up to me to accomplish it. I'm taking control from now on and even thought I'm scared, Bobby helped assure me that there's no wrong answer, and whether I think it's a mistake somehow, in the end, it helped me learn and grow and make just that much stronger than I was. There's nothing more I search for than to be happy with those around me.
Here's my challenge to you: Make a list, almost like a bucket list, and inspire yourself to accomplish something, anything. Big, small, insignificant. Anything that'll make you feel like you accomplished something and can do anything in life.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
What is love?
There are too many voices in my head. They´re all speaking at once. I don´t know which is my voice, what do I think? Why do I even ask for help when I continue to ignore what people tell me? I never learn my lesson.
Despite what my boyfriend has told me I will continue to write whatever I please because it´s to whomever reads my blog that I am speaking to whether they know me personally or not. I´ve had plenty of time to think as I have mentioned several times, but today I finally prove to myself that I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I am no longer weak. I will no longer succumb. I will stand my ground and no one can deny me my words.
My emotions get the better of me, I do admit, but at least my arguments tend to make sense. What I say should matter and if it doesn´t then why do you bother reading what I have to say? That´s why when I started this blog I warned that not everyone will agree with what I have to say, but I guess a lot of people appreciate me more than I thought; unlike some people. I love. I do. I love my boyfriend and sometimes I do not understand why.
Why has our relationship lasted? I´d say it´s me, but I could be wrong. It´s this idiotic thing called love. That evil sensation that taked over your body, mind, and soul and controls you until the moment you´re crushed, broken, torn apart. The pain that follows a heartbreak is more painful than anything, but the pain you feel knowing you´re breaking but cannot deny your love and want to continue on is the worst kind of pain. The pain of not wanting to let go. To move on. Fear that maybe you may never feel again, love the way you did once. Know what it is to feel love in return.
Loneliness. Being alone and feeling that maybe you may never find the right person to take you in their arms and completely let you in. Not having someone to spend every moment of your life with. Seeing their face and feeling your heart skip a beat. Thinking of them all the time you disgust yourself at the uncomfortable moments they pop into your head.
Always wanting to talk to them, see them, just be with them. The excitment of doing things with them, going out and cherishing each other´s presence. Being able to talk to them and know you´re not being judged, that they love you wholeheartedly and accept everything about you. Enjoying each other´s company and feeling like they´re your best friend. However, sometimes you don´t get all of that. You´re let down. Disappointed. Lonely even when you´re with that person. When you no longer feel your heart skip a beat, why are you still with that person?
And yet, there are those times where your heart is the only heart skipping a beat. The only one yearning for the other person, wanting to see them, touch them, be with them. You´re the only one searching, begging, and squeezing as much as you can from the other person. That´s when you´re the only one feeling love and not receiving it in return. That´s when you beging to think that maybe you will forever be the only one feeling this way and it kills you to know that this is not everything you pictured. You need more.
It´s time, to move on. I´m still stuck. I don´t know where I am. What do I feel? I know I feel love but how do I really know that I´m being loved back. To truly see love you sometimes literally have to see it. When the other person looks you in the eye with that smile on your face that makes you blush. When you feel them looking at you but you´re too shy to make eye contact. And maybe they can´t afford much, especially in this economy, they still make an effort to make you smile. To make you things, write you things, do whatever pleases you.
That they don´t care about what people think or say about you two. They treat you the same no matter where you are or who you´re with. That they make sure to spend as much time with you as they can and making those moments specail. Even if it´s the littlest things like knocking on your door in the morning for no apparent reason, just to see you; to see your face, your smile, to be with you and only you. Their full attention on you, on what you have to say, on what you´re going to do next. Not to the point where they´re creepy and stalking you but just enough to make you feel like they care.
The way they reach for your hand and not let go despite how sweaty they are. The way they yearn to kiss you and kiss you right, not just sexually. To be sweet with you as if you were just meeting for the first time.
I´m a cheesy romantic, I must admit, and sometimes all this lovey dovey stuff disgusts you, but I know there are girls out there that feel that they need this. That they need to feel those butterflies in their stomach gain and have their heart skip a beat. To dream about the other person´s face. Anything that makes them believe they are in love and the other person is in love with them.
I felt this way once. Way in the beginning, but now I see all those actions and all those thoughts and dreams fading away. Unless someone changes, I´m not sure what´s going to happen. So many people telling me to give up but I continue to push. To dream. To yearn. Am I on my own? Am I the only one feeling this way? How will I know? There's no way I can know until it all begins to change and make sense. Only then will things be clear to me.
Despite what my boyfriend has told me I will continue to write whatever I please because it´s to whomever reads my blog that I am speaking to whether they know me personally or not. I´ve had plenty of time to think as I have mentioned several times, but today I finally prove to myself that I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I am no longer weak. I will no longer succumb. I will stand my ground and no one can deny me my words.
My emotions get the better of me, I do admit, but at least my arguments tend to make sense. What I say should matter and if it doesn´t then why do you bother reading what I have to say? That´s why when I started this blog I warned that not everyone will agree with what I have to say, but I guess a lot of people appreciate me more than I thought; unlike some people. I love. I do. I love my boyfriend and sometimes I do not understand why.
Why has our relationship lasted? I´d say it´s me, but I could be wrong. It´s this idiotic thing called love. That evil sensation that taked over your body, mind, and soul and controls you until the moment you´re crushed, broken, torn apart. The pain that follows a heartbreak is more painful than anything, but the pain you feel knowing you´re breaking but cannot deny your love and want to continue on is the worst kind of pain. The pain of not wanting to let go. To move on. Fear that maybe you may never feel again, love the way you did once. Know what it is to feel love in return.
Loneliness. Being alone and feeling that maybe you may never find the right person to take you in their arms and completely let you in. Not having someone to spend every moment of your life with. Seeing their face and feeling your heart skip a beat. Thinking of them all the time you disgust yourself at the uncomfortable moments they pop into your head.
Always wanting to talk to them, see them, just be with them. The excitment of doing things with them, going out and cherishing each other´s presence. Being able to talk to them and know you´re not being judged, that they love you wholeheartedly and accept everything about you. Enjoying each other´s company and feeling like they´re your best friend. However, sometimes you don´t get all of that. You´re let down. Disappointed. Lonely even when you´re with that person. When you no longer feel your heart skip a beat, why are you still with that person?
And yet, there are those times where your heart is the only heart skipping a beat. The only one yearning for the other person, wanting to see them, touch them, be with them. You´re the only one searching, begging, and squeezing as much as you can from the other person. That´s when you´re the only one feeling love and not receiving it in return. That´s when you beging to think that maybe you will forever be the only one feeling this way and it kills you to know that this is not everything you pictured. You need more.
It´s time, to move on. I´m still stuck. I don´t know where I am. What do I feel? I know I feel love but how do I really know that I´m being loved back. To truly see love you sometimes literally have to see it. When the other person looks you in the eye with that smile on your face that makes you blush. When you feel them looking at you but you´re too shy to make eye contact. And maybe they can´t afford much, especially in this economy, they still make an effort to make you smile. To make you things, write you things, do whatever pleases you.
That they don´t care about what people think or say about you two. They treat you the same no matter where you are or who you´re with. That they make sure to spend as much time with you as they can and making those moments specail. Even if it´s the littlest things like knocking on your door in the morning for no apparent reason, just to see you; to see your face, your smile, to be with you and only you. Their full attention on you, on what you have to say, on what you´re going to do next. Not to the point where they´re creepy and stalking you but just enough to make you feel like they care.
The way they reach for your hand and not let go despite how sweaty they are. The way they yearn to kiss you and kiss you right, not just sexually. To be sweet with you as if you were just meeting for the first time.
I´m a cheesy romantic, I must admit, and sometimes all this lovey dovey stuff disgusts you, but I know there are girls out there that feel that they need this. That they need to feel those butterflies in their stomach gain and have their heart skip a beat. To dream about the other person´s face. Anything that makes them believe they are in love and the other person is in love with them.
I felt this way once. Way in the beginning, but now I see all those actions and all those thoughts and dreams fading away. Unless someone changes, I´m not sure what´s going to happen. So many people telling me to give up but I continue to push. To dream. To yearn. Am I on my own? Am I the only one feeling this way? How will I know? There's no way I can know until it all begins to change and make sense. Only then will things be clear to me.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Blind
It takes me too long to see with blinded eyes. I know I'm not the only one either. There have been several different insidents where I refused to see what was happening. My friends have gone through the same and I'm sure everyone has.
My first boyfriend was a cheater. I never knew until every time he broke up with me. Obviously I never saw what he was doing until it was already too late. I had a friend who got with my ex boyfriend, okay, maybe she wasn't a good friend but anyway, she got with him and I warned her that he is a cheater, but she still didn't listen. Of course, he cheated on her with another friend of mine. This other friend told me she was dating him and I told my friend he was cheating on her. She didn't believe me. I asked my other friend to confront my friend and she did. She went up to my friend and told her, but my friend still didn't believe her. My other friend showed my friend texts and pictures. My friend still didn't believe her and stayed with her boyfriend.
My other friend was smart enough to break up with him and moved on. Eventually my friend broke up with my ex and went back to normal, she still hates me though. Not because he cheated on her but because I use to talk crap about her boyfriend, who was my ex, so... I guess it's my fault for being mean to my ex who cheated on me more than once then she got with him. Sorry.
This is one situation where someone is blind. Another time, for me, was when my best friend had been playing tricks behind my back with my boyfriend at the time. Granted, I didn't really like him but still, he had the title as my boyfriend. Apparently, my best friend liked him and thought she had more in common with him and started making more efforts to spend time with him. She'd get dropped of in front of his house and walk to school with him every morning. She started texting him more while I was clueless that she was even texting him.
After two weeks of us being officially together he broke up with me. In the moment it stung but I quickly got over it and continued with my life. Three months later I was cleaning out my locker when a letter fell out. It was from my ex but it had no date on it, so I had no clue when it got in my locker. He was apologizing for the way he broke up with me and said he wanted to stay friends, but by the time I read this I wasn't sure if I had already been ignoring him.
That morning my "best friend" showed up and I told her about the letter. She acted shocked. Months later my mom was talking to my ex-boyfriend's mom and she told my mom that my best friend had been spending a lot of time with him, going to the movies every Friday and things like that. When my mom mention the letter, his mom told mine that his sisters told him to write it and give it to me the next day, but he had handed it to my "best friend" to give to me. I guess she and I had gone to my locker because she somehow snuck it in my locker without my knowledge and I didn't see until 3 months later.
Of course when summer began that year I was talking to my current boyfriend and stopped talking to my "best friend." This was me being blinded by friendship. Now, its me being blinded by love. For two years I've been with my boyfriend and he no longer does anything for me. Sadly, he no longer surprises me by the things he says and does. We don't go on dates because he doesnt have any money or a car. I like going for walks but he doesn't. I like playing sports but he doesn't want me to get hurt. I like playing table games, but he find it boring. I like talking but he gets bored after 3 minutes. Anytime I ask him to stop doing something or pay attention to me, he doesn't listen.
I had hoped that by coming to Colombia he would miss me and try to talk me either by calling or by Facebook. Neither happened. He claimed that he tried calling but it didn't work and that Facebook doesn't work because he doesn't go on as much, which I knew was a lie because he was always checking Instagram so why not check Facebook to see if your girlfriend sent you anything. Only once did he send me a message telling me he missed me and loved me, and that was 3 weeks ago. Now, I see him go on Facebook, I know when he's online, but he never sent me anything. He never called either. My family noticed that he wasn't making an effort and talks a lot of crap about my boyfriend and I let them because how is it that we've been together for 2 years and he doesn't make an effort to send me anything? Every time my dad calls he tells my mom how much he misses her, he's the one to call and tell her that he loves her and that he hopes she's okay and having fun. My parents have been married 26 years and my dad still tells my mom that he loves and misses her. Why can't I have that?
My thoughts have been going crazy and so have my emotions. The only thing left to do is wait and see if this relationship is worth struggling to keep together. Do I deserve this treatment or do I deserve more?
My first boyfriend was a cheater. I never knew until every time he broke up with me. Obviously I never saw what he was doing until it was already too late. I had a friend who got with my ex boyfriend, okay, maybe she wasn't a good friend but anyway, she got with him and I warned her that he is a cheater, but she still didn't listen. Of course, he cheated on her with another friend of mine. This other friend told me she was dating him and I told my friend he was cheating on her. She didn't believe me. I asked my other friend to confront my friend and she did. She went up to my friend and told her, but my friend still didn't believe her. My other friend showed my friend texts and pictures. My friend still didn't believe her and stayed with her boyfriend.
My other friend was smart enough to break up with him and moved on. Eventually my friend broke up with my ex and went back to normal, she still hates me though. Not because he cheated on her but because I use to talk crap about her boyfriend, who was my ex, so... I guess it's my fault for being mean to my ex who cheated on me more than once then she got with him. Sorry.
This is one situation where someone is blind. Another time, for me, was when my best friend had been playing tricks behind my back with my boyfriend at the time. Granted, I didn't really like him but still, he had the title as my boyfriend. Apparently, my best friend liked him and thought she had more in common with him and started making more efforts to spend time with him. She'd get dropped of in front of his house and walk to school with him every morning. She started texting him more while I was clueless that she was even texting him.
After two weeks of us being officially together he broke up with me. In the moment it stung but I quickly got over it and continued with my life. Three months later I was cleaning out my locker when a letter fell out. It was from my ex but it had no date on it, so I had no clue when it got in my locker. He was apologizing for the way he broke up with me and said he wanted to stay friends, but by the time I read this I wasn't sure if I had already been ignoring him.
That morning my "best friend" showed up and I told her about the letter. She acted shocked. Months later my mom was talking to my ex-boyfriend's mom and she told my mom that my best friend had been spending a lot of time with him, going to the movies every Friday and things like that. When my mom mention the letter, his mom told mine that his sisters told him to write it and give it to me the next day, but he had handed it to my "best friend" to give to me. I guess she and I had gone to my locker because she somehow snuck it in my locker without my knowledge and I didn't see until 3 months later.
Of course when summer began that year I was talking to my current boyfriend and stopped talking to my "best friend." This was me being blinded by friendship. Now, its me being blinded by love. For two years I've been with my boyfriend and he no longer does anything for me. Sadly, he no longer surprises me by the things he says and does. We don't go on dates because he doesnt have any money or a car. I like going for walks but he doesn't. I like playing sports but he doesn't want me to get hurt. I like playing table games, but he find it boring. I like talking but he gets bored after 3 minutes. Anytime I ask him to stop doing something or pay attention to me, he doesn't listen.
I had hoped that by coming to Colombia he would miss me and try to talk me either by calling or by Facebook. Neither happened. He claimed that he tried calling but it didn't work and that Facebook doesn't work because he doesn't go on as much, which I knew was a lie because he was always checking Instagram so why not check Facebook to see if your girlfriend sent you anything. Only once did he send me a message telling me he missed me and loved me, and that was 3 weeks ago. Now, I see him go on Facebook, I know when he's online, but he never sent me anything. He never called either. My family noticed that he wasn't making an effort and talks a lot of crap about my boyfriend and I let them because how is it that we've been together for 2 years and he doesn't make an effort to send me anything? Every time my dad calls he tells my mom how much he misses her, he's the one to call and tell her that he loves her and that he hopes she's okay and having fun. My parents have been married 26 years and my dad still tells my mom that he loves and misses her. Why can't I have that?
My thoughts have been going crazy and so have my emotions. The only thing left to do is wait and see if this relationship is worth struggling to keep together. Do I deserve this treatment or do I deserve more?
Español
Quiero dicirle a todos los Hispanicos que estoy muy agradecida de lo que me estan enseñando. Solo en visitando a mi familia aquí en Colombia aprendí que lo más importante que uno puede obtener en la vida es el amor de la familia. Nadie le puede quitar a su familia.
El ambiente en Colombia es muy diferente de los Estados Unidos. Hayá todos están muy agotiados y siempre tienen algún delijencia que hacer que es más importante de compartir con la familia. Confeso que yo también empecé a dejar de visitar a mis abuelos, pero en venir a Colombia agradezco mucho mi familia y más que todo mis abuelos porque sin ellos mis padres nunca habían tenido los consejos para darme y a mi hermana mayor.
También entiendo que a veces no quieres compartir con la familia pero la solución tampoco es olvidarse de la familia. Estando aquí en Colombia me estoy divertiendo solo en jugando parques o haciendo viajes pequeñas a Suarez, Guiradot, Cogua o Zipaquira. La última vez que estuve en Colombia fue cuando tuve 8 años y no pude recordar mucho del viaje entonces cuando mi mamá exigió vinir a Colombia no pude resistir. Fue la mejor desición que pude hacer.
Ya sé que mi Español no es lo mejor pero voy, de ahora y adelante, a tratar de escribir más en Español para que mi familia lee y para los Latinos que quieren a conocer a una Americana. Por favor no me ignoran porque no tengo mucha experiencia en escribir. Quiero que entienden que yo quiero lo mejor para todos los Hispanohablantes.
El ambiente en Colombia es muy diferente de los Estados Unidos. Hayá todos están muy agotiados y siempre tienen algún delijencia que hacer que es más importante de compartir con la familia. Confeso que yo también empecé a dejar de visitar a mis abuelos, pero en venir a Colombia agradezco mucho mi familia y más que todo mis abuelos porque sin ellos mis padres nunca habían tenido los consejos para darme y a mi hermana mayor.
También entiendo que a veces no quieres compartir con la familia pero la solución tampoco es olvidarse de la familia. Estando aquí en Colombia me estoy divertiendo solo en jugando parques o haciendo viajes pequeñas a Suarez, Guiradot, Cogua o Zipaquira. La última vez que estuve en Colombia fue cuando tuve 8 años y no pude recordar mucho del viaje entonces cuando mi mamá exigió vinir a Colombia no pude resistir. Fue la mejor desición que pude hacer.
Ya sé que mi Español no es lo mejor pero voy, de ahora y adelante, a tratar de escribir más en Español para que mi familia lee y para los Latinos que quieren a conocer a una Americana. Por favor no me ignoran porque no tengo mucha experiencia en escribir. Quiero que entienden que yo quiero lo mejor para todos los Hispanohablantes.
Who am I?
I'm Damaris Chavez and I have no clue who I really am. I always thought I knew or at least had an idea but now I see that I don't. The things I cannot avoid knowing that is truly a part of me is that I'm Catholic and I'm Colombian and Mexican but a tad bit white washed. I'm a girl and I have a crazy, wonderful family. It took my trip to Colombia to discover who my true friends are and seeing that my boyfriend wasn't exactly who I thought he was.
Being so far from home helps me think about what I want for my future. I still want to pursue chemistry as a major, but I have yet to discover whether English Literature is my forté. I know I want to study something along the lines of English but I have no idea what. I've seen that I've been preventing myself to do what I like. I love reading and writing. I love taking walks to no place in particular. I love nature. And the most important is that I love helping people.
My high school life is almost at an end and I have not joined a club. The idea struck me that I never found a club that intrigued me, one that made me feel like "yes, I REALLY want to join." Luckily, my sister gave me the idea of starting my own club, one that appeals to me and hopefully others that are like me. A club that doesn't make you feel like a group of people but family, people you can turn to and get advice or talk to without feeling judged. A family that helps each other by raising money or just washing your car. That is my ideal club and I pray to God that I will not chicken out. I am anxious to start this club and if I succeed I will not let it die.
I'm the kind of girl that is easy to please. Easy to make happy. I don't ask for money, I don't even ask for you to be cute, but I do ask for someone that will treat me right and know what they have before I decide to walk away. Sitting around and talking for hours endlessly, going for walks, playing sports, anything really! I love sports, but I've been denied so many times to play by my boyfriend. Take me out just to sit on a bench would suffice my urge to do something, anything but stay at home and do nothing. Card games, or board games, lame made up games, or dominoes, I don't really care what just as long as I'm doing it with you.
The you I'm missing. You, whoever you are. I have yet to find you, but I am waiting. What I realized was the unhappiness I felt not doing everything I told myself I would do. Clubs, sports, strait As. My luck was stretched this year, but somehow I managed to keep up my grades, in fact in the last 2 weeks of school I raised 3 of my Bs to A-. I like to think that I'm smart but when it comes to a social life I fail. The friends I thought were my friends were simply strangers I sat with and talked to once in a while. Some of those I got close to backstabbed me or just walked away without a word as to why.
My choice in friends are that I don't actually have any except for the ones I met at church. I know I can count on them. My friends have made more of an effort to talk to me despite how far I am, my boyfriend, sadly, hasn't tried at all. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder?" More like distance makes the heart and mind have long, intimate conversations on whether this love is real or not. That is what this trip has taught me to think about.
I want to know who Damaris is, not who anyone told her to be. I'm a flirt. I like the sensation of falling for someone. The thrill of meeting new people. The laughter of stupid things that happen. Spending time with my family or talking to my friends. That's who I use to be. The weirdo who wore the oddest clothes. The freak that got a lot of attention from guys. The slut the had rumors spread of her sleeping with those guys. Does anyone really know who I am? If you do, please tell me because I have lost myself in a deep black hole that only became all about pleasing my boyfriend and focusing on keeping my grades up just to stay with him.
The times I came out to bathe in the sunlight were those nights I spent with the Confirmanti at church. The days of retreat. The meetings to plan all these crazy, educational and fun events. That was my sunlight. My beach was when I came to Colombia spending time with the family I don't get to see often. Mi familia. The ones that care about me more than anyone. The ones who tell us chismes and try to hook me up with chicos guapos. This was the side that revealed itself to me, but I must go in search of the rest of me. Who am I?
Am I really this innocent girl, or am I the devil succumbing to what everyone tells me? Who am I?
Being so far from home helps me think about what I want for my future. I still want to pursue chemistry as a major, but I have yet to discover whether English Literature is my forté. I know I want to study something along the lines of English but I have no idea what. I've seen that I've been preventing myself to do what I like. I love reading and writing. I love taking walks to no place in particular. I love nature. And the most important is that I love helping people.
My high school life is almost at an end and I have not joined a club. The idea struck me that I never found a club that intrigued me, one that made me feel like "yes, I REALLY want to join." Luckily, my sister gave me the idea of starting my own club, one that appeals to me and hopefully others that are like me. A club that doesn't make you feel like a group of people but family, people you can turn to and get advice or talk to without feeling judged. A family that helps each other by raising money or just washing your car. That is my ideal club and I pray to God that I will not chicken out. I am anxious to start this club and if I succeed I will not let it die.
I'm the kind of girl that is easy to please. Easy to make happy. I don't ask for money, I don't even ask for you to be cute, but I do ask for someone that will treat me right and know what they have before I decide to walk away. Sitting around and talking for hours endlessly, going for walks, playing sports, anything really! I love sports, but I've been denied so many times to play by my boyfriend. Take me out just to sit on a bench would suffice my urge to do something, anything but stay at home and do nothing. Card games, or board games, lame made up games, or dominoes, I don't really care what just as long as I'm doing it with you.
The you I'm missing. You, whoever you are. I have yet to find you, but I am waiting. What I realized was the unhappiness I felt not doing everything I told myself I would do. Clubs, sports, strait As. My luck was stretched this year, but somehow I managed to keep up my grades, in fact in the last 2 weeks of school I raised 3 of my Bs to A-. I like to think that I'm smart but when it comes to a social life I fail. The friends I thought were my friends were simply strangers I sat with and talked to once in a while. Some of those I got close to backstabbed me or just walked away without a word as to why.
My choice in friends are that I don't actually have any except for the ones I met at church. I know I can count on them. My friends have made more of an effort to talk to me despite how far I am, my boyfriend, sadly, hasn't tried at all. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder?" More like distance makes the heart and mind have long, intimate conversations on whether this love is real or not. That is what this trip has taught me to think about.
I want to know who Damaris is, not who anyone told her to be. I'm a flirt. I like the sensation of falling for someone. The thrill of meeting new people. The laughter of stupid things that happen. Spending time with my family or talking to my friends. That's who I use to be. The weirdo who wore the oddest clothes. The freak that got a lot of attention from guys. The slut the had rumors spread of her sleeping with those guys. Does anyone really know who I am? If you do, please tell me because I have lost myself in a deep black hole that only became all about pleasing my boyfriend and focusing on keeping my grades up just to stay with him.
The times I came out to bathe in the sunlight were those nights I spent with the Confirmanti at church. The days of retreat. The meetings to plan all these crazy, educational and fun events. That was my sunlight. My beach was when I came to Colombia spending time with the family I don't get to see often. Mi familia. The ones that care about me more than anyone. The ones who tell us chismes and try to hook me up with chicos guapos. This was the side that revealed itself to me, but I must go in search of the rest of me. Who am I?
Am I really this innocent girl, or am I the devil succumbing to what everyone tells me? Who am I?
Monday, July 15, 2013
The injustice
I realized that I've been missing a few updates in the United States, but I have seen that there is a lot of talk about the Zimmerman trial and how he was set free despite him shooting a 13 year old black kid. Some say racism and most are angry about the decision. I have my moments with the trial.
When I first heard the issue I was angry that Zimmerman was getting sympathy for shooting a boy who looked suspiciously black, I mean dangerous. Skittles, they said, was why Tyron had been shot, and because he was wearing a hoodie. I think it's time we protest clothes designers and make sure hoodies are banned or at least no longer seem suspicious. Shooting someone is a risk. Taking a life cannot be erased or undone.
However, I have been talking about how judging people is an instinct, so what Zimmerman had done was misjudge Tyron by automatically accusing him of doing something wrong. But again, shooting someone is like painting, once you make a stroke with paint, it can never be taken back. In my journalism class we tackled a few current events and what seemed to come up a lot was police shooting innocent people because they thought the person was suspicious.
I argued a lot with my teacher saying that shooting was unnecessary; if they were shooting to injure that would be fine but shooting someone dead didn't make any sense to me. My dad told me about this man who had taken his son as a hostage in his basement with a gun when police showed up. The father demanded that they bring down food. When the father went up the ladder to retrieve the food he fell off and police began to shoot him. Of course by the time the dad had reached the ground, he was dead. Keep in mind that the dad was unarmed going to retrieve the food, so the police pretty much shot an unarmed man dead.
I was furious that the police is becoming more and more ignorant. Shouldn't they be trained to make decisions under strenuous situations? Shooting a man with a cell phone because they thought it was a gun? Granted, it was dark and the man was trying to get away. Hey but maybe the man's only form of defense was his cell phone. Anyway, there have been many situations where I get suspicious as to why the police are being released with no charges for killing a man.
In my history class we did a few debates and one of them was about a black man who had killed two people and was hung. It was a tricky case because this black man had shot these people twice each then threw them in a ditch. However he was pleading not guilty because of self defense. Personally, if some one popped out and attacked me I would shoot them as many times as I can because the shock will be too much and I would want to make sure the bastards are dead. I wouldn't excessively shoot them because I felt like it. Now throwing the bodies in a ditch I cannot defend because that does seem a bit suspicious, but I would have given the man a chance to explain.
The class agreed with the state while I agreed with the man. It all seemed too odd for me, maybe even a little racist because there have been plenty of other men who murdered people just to murder and they were kept alive living in jail or prison, but this man was hung for shooting two people and throwing them in a ditch. It reminded me of the book To Kill a Mockingbird. (if you have not read the book I apologize for the spoiler alert) In the book there was a disabled black man being accused of raping and abusing this white girl. The man pleaded not guilty because the girl had wanted to have sex with him since he was nice to her but he denied her. As for the abuse, he said he could not hurt her, not with one arm, the right one. When the doctor went up to the stand he described the girl's injuries as a mark of a left handed man choking her. The lawyer of the black man proved that her father had been the one to hurt her and rape her because he was an alcoholic, left-handed man.
The all white jury, however, found the black man guilty. While in jail the black man tried to escape. The guards allowed him to try and climb the fence with one arm; when he was almost to the top, they shot him 17 times. Justice? Not to me.
Although this was just a book, it seems more accurate than most would think. The racism still exists, despite what people say, and justice has been tampered with for a while, but no matter how hard we fight and protest and try to uncover all the lies and deception, we will never win. As far as the Zimmerman trial is concerned, I belive the verdict was unjust, but what can I do about? Exactly. Justice will never change, try to understand that.
When I first heard the issue I was angry that Zimmerman was getting sympathy for shooting a boy who looked suspiciously black, I mean dangerous. Skittles, they said, was why Tyron had been shot, and because he was wearing a hoodie. I think it's time we protest clothes designers and make sure hoodies are banned or at least no longer seem suspicious. Shooting someone is a risk. Taking a life cannot be erased or undone.
However, I have been talking about how judging people is an instinct, so what Zimmerman had done was misjudge Tyron by automatically accusing him of doing something wrong. But again, shooting someone is like painting, once you make a stroke with paint, it can never be taken back. In my journalism class we tackled a few current events and what seemed to come up a lot was police shooting innocent people because they thought the person was suspicious.
I argued a lot with my teacher saying that shooting was unnecessary; if they were shooting to injure that would be fine but shooting someone dead didn't make any sense to me. My dad told me about this man who had taken his son as a hostage in his basement with a gun when police showed up. The father demanded that they bring down food. When the father went up the ladder to retrieve the food he fell off and police began to shoot him. Of course by the time the dad had reached the ground, he was dead. Keep in mind that the dad was unarmed going to retrieve the food, so the police pretty much shot an unarmed man dead.
I was furious that the police is becoming more and more ignorant. Shouldn't they be trained to make decisions under strenuous situations? Shooting a man with a cell phone because they thought it was a gun? Granted, it was dark and the man was trying to get away. Hey but maybe the man's only form of defense was his cell phone. Anyway, there have been many situations where I get suspicious as to why the police are being released with no charges for killing a man.
In my history class we did a few debates and one of them was about a black man who had killed two people and was hung. It was a tricky case because this black man had shot these people twice each then threw them in a ditch. However he was pleading not guilty because of self defense. Personally, if some one popped out and attacked me I would shoot them as many times as I can because the shock will be too much and I would want to make sure the bastards are dead. I wouldn't excessively shoot them because I felt like it. Now throwing the bodies in a ditch I cannot defend because that does seem a bit suspicious, but I would have given the man a chance to explain.
The class agreed with the state while I agreed with the man. It all seemed too odd for me, maybe even a little racist because there have been plenty of other men who murdered people just to murder and they were kept alive living in jail or prison, but this man was hung for shooting two people and throwing them in a ditch. It reminded me of the book To Kill a Mockingbird. (if you have not read the book I apologize for the spoiler alert) In the book there was a disabled black man being accused of raping and abusing this white girl. The man pleaded not guilty because the girl had wanted to have sex with him since he was nice to her but he denied her. As for the abuse, he said he could not hurt her, not with one arm, the right one. When the doctor went up to the stand he described the girl's injuries as a mark of a left handed man choking her. The lawyer of the black man proved that her father had been the one to hurt her and rape her because he was an alcoholic, left-handed man.
The all white jury, however, found the black man guilty. While in jail the black man tried to escape. The guards allowed him to try and climb the fence with one arm; when he was almost to the top, they shot him 17 times. Justice? Not to me.
Although this was just a book, it seems more accurate than most would think. The racism still exists, despite what people say, and justice has been tampered with for a while, but no matter how hard we fight and protest and try to uncover all the lies and deception, we will never win. As far as the Zimmerman trial is concerned, I belive the verdict was unjust, but what can I do about? Exactly. Justice will never change, try to understand that.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Advice
It's been two weeks since I came to Colombia and it's been an experience I hope to never forget. Missing my friends, boyfriend, and family has been difficult, but I've been getting by thanks to Facebook. My friend, let's say Cory, has been helping me pass the time. He does work so we don't get to talk all the time but when we can message each other then we will and we talk of nothing in particular.
Recently he was telling me that he wanted to admit to his crush that he liked her but wasn't sure how to do it. I did my best to help him, but he still got rejected. Honestly, I felt like it was my fault, but I knew my job was to cheer him up and say stupid things to get him to forget. I've spent more time talking to Cory than with my boyfriend. My boyfriend almost got mad at me, but I told him that at least Cory answers. That's when my boyfriend backed off. My boyfriend has been more worried about football and usually forgets to even check whether I sent him anything so I stopped sending him messages.
Luckily, my boyfriend's lack of responding allowed me to talk to Cory. I realized that I've known Cory longer than I've been with my boyfriend, which is why I feel comfortable telling him anything and everything; he feels the same towards me, so I guess you can say that he's one of my best friends. Cory isn't that good and choosing the right girlfriends so he's been hurt a lot. It makes me wish I could help him in some way but what can I do? I am truly lost in that sense because I make my own mistakes and highly doubt I'd be the best person for advice.
I'm not sure if I've written it before, but I use to want to be the girl that had been with a lot of guys or kissed/made out with a lot of guys, which wasn't a very smart idea. Luckily, it stopped early on before it got out of hand. Now, I am unsure of myself in the giving advice about relationships. I have another best friend, her name shall be Betty, and she has been in a relationship with a guy for around five months now. She likes to come to me for advice since I've been with my boyfriend for two years, but I really don't understand how it was that we lasted so long so I don't know what to tell Betty. "Be happy. And spend time with your boyfriend." That's all I can really say.
Relationships are a tricky thing because it differs depending on the couple. Couples that I use to think wouldn't last, lasted much longer than I expected, and relationships that I thought would last never really did. I'm a bad judge in relationships, and people. I use to hang out with the wrong crowd before I found the friends I have now. My cousin here in Colombia has friends that scare most people at first sight. Gothic friends I guess you could say, and everyone at our welcoming party felt uncomfortable seeing them, but once the music began to play and everyone, including my cousin's friends, got up to dance. In the end, they were very nice people.
I continue to learn my lesson when it comes tonrelationships and judging people. As far as giving advice, let's just say, don't come to me.
Recently he was telling me that he wanted to admit to his crush that he liked her but wasn't sure how to do it. I did my best to help him, but he still got rejected. Honestly, I felt like it was my fault, but I knew my job was to cheer him up and say stupid things to get him to forget. I've spent more time talking to Cory than with my boyfriend. My boyfriend almost got mad at me, but I told him that at least Cory answers. That's when my boyfriend backed off. My boyfriend has been more worried about football and usually forgets to even check whether I sent him anything so I stopped sending him messages.
Luckily, my boyfriend's lack of responding allowed me to talk to Cory. I realized that I've known Cory longer than I've been with my boyfriend, which is why I feel comfortable telling him anything and everything; he feels the same towards me, so I guess you can say that he's one of my best friends. Cory isn't that good and choosing the right girlfriends so he's been hurt a lot. It makes me wish I could help him in some way but what can I do? I am truly lost in that sense because I make my own mistakes and highly doubt I'd be the best person for advice.
I'm not sure if I've written it before, but I use to want to be the girl that had been with a lot of guys or kissed/made out with a lot of guys, which wasn't a very smart idea. Luckily, it stopped early on before it got out of hand. Now, I am unsure of myself in the giving advice about relationships. I have another best friend, her name shall be Betty, and she has been in a relationship with a guy for around five months now. She likes to come to me for advice since I've been with my boyfriend for two years, but I really don't understand how it was that we lasted so long so I don't know what to tell Betty. "Be happy. And spend time with your boyfriend." That's all I can really say.
Relationships are a tricky thing because it differs depending on the couple. Couples that I use to think wouldn't last, lasted much longer than I expected, and relationships that I thought would last never really did. I'm a bad judge in relationships, and people. I use to hang out with the wrong crowd before I found the friends I have now. My cousin here in Colombia has friends that scare most people at first sight. Gothic friends I guess you could say, and everyone at our welcoming party felt uncomfortable seeing them, but once the music began to play and everyone, including my cousin's friends, got up to dance. In the end, they were very nice people.
I continue to learn my lesson when it comes tonrelationships and judging people. As far as giving advice, let's just say, don't come to me.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Apologies
When I'm wrong I try to make sure I apologize for it. It's hard to come by people who apologize or is the first to apologize. Previously I had written poorly about Sam and his family, I was wrong and it took me a few more days to realize my mistake. This is my apology.
Sam is a spoiled child but the way he is is because of a factor of things. Because he is an only child he's never really had someone to look up to for an example like most of his cousins. Another issue with being an only child is that his parents are still learning how to raise a child. So there are times when he gets reprimanded for something not that isn't a big issue.
I only wish I knew more of Sam's story but anytime anyone gets serious and tries to ask him he either ignores them or avoids the question. It makes me think there is so much more than I'm seeing, but it's gotten too complicated for me to find out. Hopefully by the end of my trip I would have pieced the entire picture together.
Nowadays people, like me, tend to jump to conclusions about each other. There's been several stories on Facebook that promote the idea of not being quick to judge. "See that pregnant girl? She was raped. See that boy with the red eyes? He spent the night crying for his mom who has cancer. See that girl with the cuts on her wrist? She's being abused by her father." And these stories tend to change but the message is the same: everyone has a story and reason for being the way they are.
When I started high school rumors had followed me from middle school that I despised. Rumors that called me a slut and whore. It hurt me for years. It hurt me to the point where I would hurt myself. It was all because girls would see me hanging out with a group of guys and automatically say I slept with them all. Girls are usually quick to judge but it's a bad habit thats hard to get rid of.
Here's my challenge to you: if you know you've done something wrong or have said something bad, try to apologize for it. It's better to be the bigger man and apologize than holding a grudge.
Sam is a spoiled child but the way he is is because of a factor of things. Because he is an only child he's never really had someone to look up to for an example like most of his cousins. Another issue with being an only child is that his parents are still learning how to raise a child. So there are times when he gets reprimanded for something not that isn't a big issue.
I only wish I knew more of Sam's story but anytime anyone gets serious and tries to ask him he either ignores them or avoids the question. It makes me think there is so much more than I'm seeing, but it's gotten too complicated for me to find out. Hopefully by the end of my trip I would have pieced the entire picture together.
Nowadays people, like me, tend to jump to conclusions about each other. There's been several stories on Facebook that promote the idea of not being quick to judge. "See that pregnant girl? She was raped. See that boy with the red eyes? He spent the night crying for his mom who has cancer. See that girl with the cuts on her wrist? She's being abused by her father." And these stories tend to change but the message is the same: everyone has a story and reason for being the way they are.
When I started high school rumors had followed me from middle school that I despised. Rumors that called me a slut and whore. It hurt me for years. It hurt me to the point where I would hurt myself. It was all because girls would see me hanging out with a group of guys and automatically say I slept with them all. Girls are usually quick to judge but it's a bad habit thats hard to get rid of.
Here's my challenge to you: if you know you've done something wrong or have said something bad, try to apologize for it. It's better to be the bigger man and apologize than holding a grudge.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Missing a part of me
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder." I sure hope so. It's been almost two weeks since my mom and I arrived in Colombia and I've been missing a lot of people. I hadn't realized how much my friends had an impact on me until I was already gone.
Before I left we had been hanging out repeatedly and now that I'm, I don't even know how many miles, away I really miss meeting up with them and talking. My group of friends are very different from most group of friends. I met them at church but somehow we're not very "churchy." We're not afraid to talk about sex, politics, and even our own personal interpretations of our Catholic faith, which most people would consider sinful, but we're pretty open minded about everything.
Almost every time I had met up with my friends it was at a park later in the evening since we were broke. It sounds odd but it was really the best experiences because we just sat around and talked and it was nice. We've grown a strong bond that I haven't had with a group of people in the longest time, if ever. I really appreciate these people and although some like to drink and smoke and others prefer to be more conservative, we know each other better than any one. Not in an intimate way but I love my friends like I love my family. I don't know what I'd do without them, and now that I'm so far from them I miss them.
Another group of people is my family that I had at church, the Youth Ministry I volunteer with. They've been getting ready for all the summer events we usually put on in the summer and I'm missing out on them. I wish I could help and enjoy myself being with them but what can I do? All I really can do is pray for them and hope everything is a success.
I'm sure you're wondering why my family wasn't the first thing I'd say, it's because the only family I left behind was my older sister who is 24 and my dad. I know my sister is doing good and working and my dad communicates with my mom so I get to hear from him a lot. Yes, I miss them, but I know that they're okay and usually busy.
Lastly, the one person I miss the most is my boyfriend. It was heart wrenching celebrating two years with him then leaving two days later. The worst part is being in Colombia and seeing nothing but couples walking around hugging, kissing, and holding hands; it makes me want to cry because I can't feel that for another 4 weeks or so. In the beginning of my trip I had tried to call him everyday but it started to get complicated since a lot of my family members don't own a landline and don't have a lot of minutes on their phone. I know how hard they have to work to be able to afford all that so I'd rather not abuse what little they have, which means that I don't get the privilege of speaking to my boyfriend for days.
With new technology I've been trying to communicate through Facebook but the issue I've been facing is that my boyfriend doesn't check his Facebook as often as I had originally hoped. That bothers me since before I left he had gone on his phone so much to check instagram I thought he'd at least make an effort to check Facebook. Also, I'm not sure he misses me as much as I miss him or else he would be making an even bigger effort to communicate with me. It makes me very sad, but that's how I feel.
Today I decided to do an experiment: every time I thought of my boyfriend I would keep track with tallys. When I got back and had time to sit down and think I counted 20 times if not more. I miss my boyfriend more than anything else. I love him despite what people say or think and it's hard being so far. If only he read my blog then he'd know, but I know that somehow he knows.
Here is my challenge to you: Try and keep track of how much you miss someone. It'll help make you appreciate them even more.
Before I left we had been hanging out repeatedly and now that I'm, I don't even know how many miles, away I really miss meeting up with them and talking. My group of friends are very different from most group of friends. I met them at church but somehow we're not very "churchy." We're not afraid to talk about sex, politics, and even our own personal interpretations of our Catholic faith, which most people would consider sinful, but we're pretty open minded about everything.
Almost every time I had met up with my friends it was at a park later in the evening since we were broke. It sounds odd but it was really the best experiences because we just sat around and talked and it was nice. We've grown a strong bond that I haven't had with a group of people in the longest time, if ever. I really appreciate these people and although some like to drink and smoke and others prefer to be more conservative, we know each other better than any one. Not in an intimate way but I love my friends like I love my family. I don't know what I'd do without them, and now that I'm so far from them I miss them.
Another group of people is my family that I had at church, the Youth Ministry I volunteer with. They've been getting ready for all the summer events we usually put on in the summer and I'm missing out on them. I wish I could help and enjoy myself being with them but what can I do? All I really can do is pray for them and hope everything is a success.
I'm sure you're wondering why my family wasn't the first thing I'd say, it's because the only family I left behind was my older sister who is 24 and my dad. I know my sister is doing good and working and my dad communicates with my mom so I get to hear from him a lot. Yes, I miss them, but I know that they're okay and usually busy.
Lastly, the one person I miss the most is my boyfriend. It was heart wrenching celebrating two years with him then leaving two days later. The worst part is being in Colombia and seeing nothing but couples walking around hugging, kissing, and holding hands; it makes me want to cry because I can't feel that for another 4 weeks or so. In the beginning of my trip I had tried to call him everyday but it started to get complicated since a lot of my family members don't own a landline and don't have a lot of minutes on their phone. I know how hard they have to work to be able to afford all that so I'd rather not abuse what little they have, which means that I don't get the privilege of speaking to my boyfriend for days.
With new technology I've been trying to communicate through Facebook but the issue I've been facing is that my boyfriend doesn't check his Facebook as often as I had originally hoped. That bothers me since before I left he had gone on his phone so much to check instagram I thought he'd at least make an effort to check Facebook. Also, I'm not sure he misses me as much as I miss him or else he would be making an even bigger effort to communicate with me. It makes me very sad, but that's how I feel.
Today I decided to do an experiment: every time I thought of my boyfriend I would keep track with tallys. When I got back and had time to sit down and think I counted 20 times if not more. I miss my boyfriend more than anything else. I love him despite what people say or think and it's hard being so far. If only he read my blog then he'd know, but I know that somehow he knows.
Here is my challenge to you: Try and keep track of how much you miss someone. It'll help make you appreciate them even more.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Colombia
I finally made it to the place famously known for their coffee, or what most say, "the land of cocaine." Obviously I didn't come here for the drugs or even the amazing coffee, I came with my mom to visit family and get a taste of the country through so many different events. So far, I have jet lag and am in zombie mode, but come Monday, everything begins to happen.
Our plan is to visit family in different towns in Colombia, such as Zipaquira and Suarez. On top of seeing family, we aim to enjoy a few tourist attractions such as Las Minas de Sal and El Museo de Oro, which when translated means The Salt Mines and The Gold Museum. We also made the effort to go to Cartagena, one of the most famous parts of Colombia, I've never been there, but I am very excited to go!
Unpacking is done, the weather is nice and cold, unlike in Cali, and my family cannot wait to spend time with us!
Our plan is to visit family in different towns in Colombia, such as Zipaquira and Suarez. On top of seeing family, we aim to enjoy a few tourist attractions such as Las Minas de Sal and El Museo de Oro, which when translated means The Salt Mines and The Gold Museum. We also made the effort to go to Cartagena, one of the most famous parts of Colombia, I've never been there, but I am very excited to go!
Unpacking is done, the weather is nice and cold, unlike in Cali, and my family cannot wait to spend time with us!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Proposition 8
Finally California is thinking straight! Not in the sense that they only care about straight marriage but in the sense that they are now allowing gays to get married! I approve of this change because slowly but surely the people of America are accepting the change I have longed to see. The change that most idiotic Americans refused to accept. The change that they wanted to deny is now broken even if was only in one area.
Change is something that must be accepted or else be killed by it. It has been said to me on more than one occasion that my generation has no respect (which is true) and that they are so moronic to the point where when we grow up we are going to back the wrong decisions that could potentially destroy the Nation. Talk about melodramatic. To be completely honest, my generation doesn't give a rats ass and won't make any real decisions. And even if we did, we'd be more considerate of other options and not be selfish to the point where we exclude groups of people.
At times I do despise my generation for their lack of awareness, but I have fai that they will make the rot decisions when the time comes. If we every need to decide on anything and America is so desperate for our opinion then maybe we will do something a about it. I personally am not going to help those desperate Americans because for so long now I have heard nothing but stupid comments on my generation and really idiotic decisions for the sake of America. I had lost respect for America but today they gained a little of it back with finally changing proposition 8.
Come to think of it, I had a long, heated discussion with a friend in middle school about proposition 8 and he was appalled that I was all for it. He, on the other hand, thought of it as a disgrace. One of my arguments to him was, "why deny a certain group of people their rights of freedom and equality in America by not allowing them to get married? It's like me not letting you wear that red jacket because it doesn't match your skin tone." sounds dumb but makes sense. Sometimes America does sound moronic and it's time to look good for once. Accept the change!
Change is something that must be accepted or else be killed by it. It has been said to me on more than one occasion that my generation has no respect (which is true) and that they are so moronic to the point where when we grow up we are going to back the wrong decisions that could potentially destroy the Nation. Talk about melodramatic. To be completely honest, my generation doesn't give a rats ass and won't make any real decisions. And even if we did, we'd be more considerate of other options and not be selfish to the point where we exclude groups of people.
At times I do despise my generation for their lack of awareness, but I have fai that they will make the rot decisions when the time comes. If we every need to decide on anything and America is so desperate for our opinion then maybe we will do something a about it. I personally am not going to help those desperate Americans because for so long now I have heard nothing but stupid comments on my generation and really idiotic decisions for the sake of America. I had lost respect for America but today they gained a little of it back with finally changing proposition 8.
Come to think of it, I had a long, heated discussion with a friend in middle school about proposition 8 and he was appalled that I was all for it. He, on the other hand, thought of it as a disgrace. One of my arguments to him was, "why deny a certain group of people their rights of freedom and equality in America by not allowing them to get married? It's like me not letting you wear that red jacket because it doesn't match your skin tone." sounds dumb but makes sense. Sometimes America does sound moronic and it's time to look good for once. Accept the change!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
What the love bug doesn't tell you
It's nice to meet new people. Today, I went to support my boyfriend while he was at football practice, but since I showed up an hour early I sat in the bleachers reading my summer homework for my AP class next year. When I least expected it, a father figure sat near me with his Nixon camera. When I caught sight of the camera I mentioned that it was a nice camera and from there a conversation emerged.
We talked for a while about the future, relationships, and so much more. He gave me some good tips to prevent any problems and how to fix them. Considering that he may be around 40 if not younger, he seems very wise and experienced. Eventually he realized who my boyfriend was and informed me that he had coached him when he was little. What a small world!
He was mostly impressed that I had been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and that I was there enduring the heat just to support him. Almost immediately he knew that I was the "mature one of this relationship," but he was aware that my boyfriend had improved in his grades and in his form. We talked until the players came out and he went to work at taking team pictures. At the time I had the idea that my parents were going to show up, but I was wrong. After a while of sitting like a loner, the second game was over and everyone was waiting for the next one to start, so I took the chance to go stand on the sideline where I had seen other parents to get a better look at the scrimmage.
My boyfriend didn't like it. He didn't like that I was on the field, but what it really was was that he was embarrassed because his teammates were curious as to why I was standing there. I'm sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing by supporting him. It's not the first time he's complained. I had gone to support him while he played softball and he complained that I was distracting him by screaming and holding up a sign. Is there nothing right I can do? I had just gone through a conversation with a man that considered our relationship good since I had done so much to help him. Sometimes it feels like my efforts are not enough. And at other times it feels like all my efforts were a success. At this point I need to consider that before my boyfriend met me his grades were at an all time low, but now they're almost as good, if not, better than mine. Before my boyfriend met me he thought that drinking, beer pong, and smoking anything was the way you were suppose to experience high school, now, he does none of that. Instead, he's starting to see the other side and realizing that it's not as glamorous as people make it. More and more he sees that it's just repulsive and usually you don't even remember it. Before me, my boyfriend hadn't experienced love the way his grandma had loved him until he felt it again with me. Not to say that he loves me like a grandma, but I care as much as his grandma had when she was alive. Knowing that, makes me cry. Me and my family are the people he didn't really get to know. His life was completely different than mine, but somehow, we're still together.
In less than a week I will be leaving the country for 5 weeks, having almost no communication with my boyfriend. As scared as I am to leave, I know he will not betray me and I most certainly will not betray him. Everyone says it will be good for us. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Let's hope they're right. My fear is eating me up, but I know I am stronger than this. May God help me because I am deeply in love with this boy and it is nearly killing me!
We talked for a while about the future, relationships, and so much more. He gave me some good tips to prevent any problems and how to fix them. Considering that he may be around 40 if not younger, he seems very wise and experienced. Eventually he realized who my boyfriend was and informed me that he had coached him when he was little. What a small world!
He was mostly impressed that I had been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and that I was there enduring the heat just to support him. Almost immediately he knew that I was the "mature one of this relationship," but he was aware that my boyfriend had improved in his grades and in his form. We talked until the players came out and he went to work at taking team pictures. At the time I had the idea that my parents were going to show up, but I was wrong. After a while of sitting like a loner, the second game was over and everyone was waiting for the next one to start, so I took the chance to go stand on the sideline where I had seen other parents to get a better look at the scrimmage.
My boyfriend didn't like it. He didn't like that I was on the field, but what it really was was that he was embarrassed because his teammates were curious as to why I was standing there. I'm sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing by supporting him. It's not the first time he's complained. I had gone to support him while he played softball and he complained that I was distracting him by screaming and holding up a sign. Is there nothing right I can do? I had just gone through a conversation with a man that considered our relationship good since I had done so much to help him. Sometimes it feels like my efforts are not enough. And at other times it feels like all my efforts were a success. At this point I need to consider that before my boyfriend met me his grades were at an all time low, but now they're almost as good, if not, better than mine. Before my boyfriend met me he thought that drinking, beer pong, and smoking anything was the way you were suppose to experience high school, now, he does none of that. Instead, he's starting to see the other side and realizing that it's not as glamorous as people make it. More and more he sees that it's just repulsive and usually you don't even remember it. Before me, my boyfriend hadn't experienced love the way his grandma had loved him until he felt it again with me. Not to say that he loves me like a grandma, but I care as much as his grandma had when she was alive. Knowing that, makes me cry. Me and my family are the people he didn't really get to know. His life was completely different than mine, but somehow, we're still together.
In less than a week I will be leaving the country for 5 weeks, having almost no communication with my boyfriend. As scared as I am to leave, I know he will not betray me and I most certainly will not betray him. Everyone says it will be good for us. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Let's hope they're right. My fear is eating me up, but I know I am stronger than this. May God help me because I am deeply in love with this boy and it is nearly killing me!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Stand up!
Recently I was browsing through Facebook and came across a video. It was a girl, maybe in her twenties, and she's part rapping and part singing. Her voice is good but her lyrics are so heartfelt and real. I fell in love with this song. If you are very interested the video can be found on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-mScJ9izqg.
The lyrics really make me think about my life and about others. As my boyfriend had pointed out before, I have the bad habit of talking badly of people behind their backs. It takes me some time to sit down and think: what if they had a bad childhood? What if their family effected them? Are their parents divorced? Have they been abused? Alone? It's better to think "What if" in situations where you want to strangle someone or mock them. It's obvious that I'm a hypocrite saying that I am fully against bullying and yet I talk this way without confronting them. Sometimes I have to talk it out and then contemplate that maybe something screwed with their minds.
I know this girl, let's call her Desiree, and she is my age, but our freshman year she was very popular for the wrong reason. Rumors spread of her sleeping with the entire football team, or leading them on. At first I felt bad, but after witnessing how many guys she was going through in such a short period of time I turned into the person playing along with bets of "how long this one will last." Despite myself, I loathed her. At a point, I wanted to be her, to have all that attention. Never would it happen, and luckily it didn't. Instead I met my current boyfriend and stopped being the huge flirt I was.
Right now I have a group of friends that I love to hang out with and one in particular is a girl, her name here will be Molly. Molly is the only girl I'm really close friends with since my last incident with a girl. Molly and I are so alike and it caught me off guard that we were perfect people to be friends with each other. What I learned presently is that Molly is close friends with Desiree; "homies." I took the opportunity to ask Molly why Desiree even did all she did freshman year. Molly didn't really have an answer but what she did tell me is that Desiree, "really regrets her freshman year. She doesn't really know why she did all that."
I sat silently for a while. Molly continued to talk to our other friend as I thought to myself. To think I wanted to be her at some point. She's not even liked anymore. She's known as the slut of the school, having a new "victim" almost every week. That could have been me.
I don't entirely know if Desiree stopped being the way she was, but by the sounds of it, she hasn't entirely stopped. The only difference is that it's more subtle. My boyfriend was the one who would update me on who she was flirting with now. It was interesting but deep down inside I prayed that she'd stop and think before she repeated her freshman year. Already I've made more than a hand full of friends (most of which are guys) and most of them have told me that they've either kissed or dated Desiree at least once in their lives. Most of them also tell me it was the stupidest thing they've ever done especially because she was the one to have played them; making them think that they had a chance when suddenly, it would all end.
Desiree's story, I have yet to figure out, but now I'm beginning to see a picture form that this isn't the person she wanted to be, it just happened, and now she "doesn't give a fuck" about what other people think and continues on with her life. At times, I am very proud of her for standing up for herself. For not caring. It's good sometimes, and it sometimes makes you stronger. Gays do it very often. I haven't had the pleasure of being friends with homosexuals, but I have been friends with bisexuals and they still have a hard time from other people. One of my friends even became suicidal thinking that it was all her that no one wanted to date or stay in a relationship with her. She got mocked a lot and nearly broke. Now, she's proud of her sexuality and I am proud of her because it's hard to be the odd ball. Standing out may be better than blending in, but sometimes it comes with a price.
Homosexuals, transgenders, and bisexuals are being mocked everyday. Whether it'd be cyber bullying or physical torment. A lot of these individuals struggle to stand up strong. I wish I could help but I can only say and hope that people listen. I bring no judgment to any relationship, friendship, or any other kind of "ship" there is, who am I to judge them? What if I was lesbian, or bisexual, or transgender? I definitely would not tolerate the constant torture and would need friends and family to support me, which is why I am the kind of friend I am. Once upon I time I was friends with people that were suicidal and I thought maybe I could help them change; I did all I could and still they did not change. I no longer have contact with them and I do not regret it. It took one day and a phone call to destroy my life.
Anyway, I like finding people that are fearless. People who stand up for a cause or something they are proud of and stand by it. Like last night's post, silent protesters standing up for an issue that should be considered are the people I appreciate the most. Me, I stand up for anything and everything, or anyone. You can count on me to be by your side, unless it's something dumb like a gang fight, then you're on your own! But here's my challenge to you: Be proud of who you are or who you're friends with. Be the the person who just doesn't care about those rumors. Stand tall and never forget who you are and what you stand for.
The lyrics really make me think about my life and about others. As my boyfriend had pointed out before, I have the bad habit of talking badly of people behind their backs. It takes me some time to sit down and think: what if they had a bad childhood? What if their family effected them? Are their parents divorced? Have they been abused? Alone? It's better to think "What if" in situations where you want to strangle someone or mock them. It's obvious that I'm a hypocrite saying that I am fully against bullying and yet I talk this way without confronting them. Sometimes I have to talk it out and then contemplate that maybe something screwed with their minds.
I know this girl, let's call her Desiree, and she is my age, but our freshman year she was very popular for the wrong reason. Rumors spread of her sleeping with the entire football team, or leading them on. At first I felt bad, but after witnessing how many guys she was going through in such a short period of time I turned into the person playing along with bets of "how long this one will last." Despite myself, I loathed her. At a point, I wanted to be her, to have all that attention. Never would it happen, and luckily it didn't. Instead I met my current boyfriend and stopped being the huge flirt I was.
Right now I have a group of friends that I love to hang out with and one in particular is a girl, her name here will be Molly. Molly is the only girl I'm really close friends with since my last incident with a girl. Molly and I are so alike and it caught me off guard that we were perfect people to be friends with each other. What I learned presently is that Molly is close friends with Desiree; "homies." I took the opportunity to ask Molly why Desiree even did all she did freshman year. Molly didn't really have an answer but what she did tell me is that Desiree, "really regrets her freshman year. She doesn't really know why she did all that."
I sat silently for a while. Molly continued to talk to our other friend as I thought to myself. To think I wanted to be her at some point. She's not even liked anymore. She's known as the slut of the school, having a new "victim" almost every week. That could have been me.
I don't entirely know if Desiree stopped being the way she was, but by the sounds of it, she hasn't entirely stopped. The only difference is that it's more subtle. My boyfriend was the one who would update me on who she was flirting with now. It was interesting but deep down inside I prayed that she'd stop and think before she repeated her freshman year. Already I've made more than a hand full of friends (most of which are guys) and most of them have told me that they've either kissed or dated Desiree at least once in their lives. Most of them also tell me it was the stupidest thing they've ever done especially because she was the one to have played them; making them think that they had a chance when suddenly, it would all end.
Desiree's story, I have yet to figure out, but now I'm beginning to see a picture form that this isn't the person she wanted to be, it just happened, and now she "doesn't give a fuck" about what other people think and continues on with her life. At times, I am very proud of her for standing up for herself. For not caring. It's good sometimes, and it sometimes makes you stronger. Gays do it very often. I haven't had the pleasure of being friends with homosexuals, but I have been friends with bisexuals and they still have a hard time from other people. One of my friends even became suicidal thinking that it was all her that no one wanted to date or stay in a relationship with her. She got mocked a lot and nearly broke. Now, she's proud of her sexuality and I am proud of her because it's hard to be the odd ball. Standing out may be better than blending in, but sometimes it comes with a price.
Homosexuals, transgenders, and bisexuals are being mocked everyday. Whether it'd be cyber bullying or physical torment. A lot of these individuals struggle to stand up strong. I wish I could help but I can only say and hope that people listen. I bring no judgment to any relationship, friendship, or any other kind of "ship" there is, who am I to judge them? What if I was lesbian, or bisexual, or transgender? I definitely would not tolerate the constant torture and would need friends and family to support me, which is why I am the kind of friend I am. Once upon I time I was friends with people that were suicidal and I thought maybe I could help them change; I did all I could and still they did not change. I no longer have contact with them and I do not regret it. It took one day and a phone call to destroy my life.
Anyway, I like finding people that are fearless. People who stand up for a cause or something they are proud of and stand by it. Like last night's post, silent protesters standing up for an issue that should be considered are the people I appreciate the most. Me, I stand up for anything and everything, or anyone. You can count on me to be by your side, unless it's something dumb like a gang fight, then you're on your own! But here's my challenge to you: Be proud of who you are or who you're friends with. Be the the person who just doesn't care about those rumors. Stand tall and never forget who you are and what you stand for.
Violence
I met one of the most adorable child Saturday. Let's call him Nick. So Nick is no more than 4 and taught me something. It was my boyfriend's little cousin's birthday and her parents threw her a party with a jumper and amazing food. It was me, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's older cousin (not the birthday girl), and Nick. We were fooling around, playing with a gigantic ball and Nick of course wants the ball, begging us to give it to him. Suddenly, my boyfriend's other cousin (about 4) comes running in with another boy swinging foam swords around and begins to attack us all. However, Nick was not enjoying himself and began to cry.
After asking Nick what was wrong, he began to sob, "It's too loud." And almost immediately after he said that I got hit in the head with a foam sword and he cried, "STOP THE VIOLENCE! STOP THE VIOLENCE!"I yelled at everyone to calm down and just jump around, no more hitting. That was short lived and the evil little boys began hitting everyone again with their foam swords. Nick again began to cry, "STOP THE VIOLENCE!" It didn't really occur to me in the moment but when I reflected upon it later that night I realized that this boy taught me that already at a young age children are being taught violence. They hit each other and have wars that are all in their imagination, but look at the world now and those kids have grown to actually participate in wars.
Children, that are now fighting for our sakes. Fighting to keep us alive. I give my respects for the fallen. The following day I was listening to my music and a song came up that I always enjoyed listening to and I remembered that the music video for this particular song was of children in a daycare center reenacting war. There was the enemy and there was us, but only it was children and they literally went full out with the confetti bombs and Nerf guns. When I first saw the video I was intrigued and enjoyed myself watching this video, but now, it brings horror to my eyes. What have we taught our children? Anytime someone threatens us or shoves us we instantly go to war? It's what happened with Pearl Harbor and it's what happened with 9/11. Someone decided to slap us in the face but we decided to pull out the gun. Is that really what we want? I've written about senseless violence before, but now it's beginning to affect kids.
For more than 10 years kids have had to grow up without a father, or mother because that parent was either in the plane, the tower, or in the army. Why take away someone as important as that away from a growing child, it makes no sense to me, but it was all for the sake that America cannot look weak? Forget weakness, think smart! Anytime my friends threaten to join the army, navy, marines, or air force, I die a little inside. I don't want to lose my friend simply because someone else is scared of dying or looking weak. No, I want to keep all my friends because they are all good people and would change anyone's life for the better. No, I do not want to be informed that they were killed and that their funeral is nearby. No. People who volunteer are very brave but in reality, I'd rather die myself than see my friends slowly dwindle away.
And children, at such a young age, are being taught that violence is necessary and that their parents died for good reason? Living without a parent, a son/daughter, a niece/nephew, an aunt/uncle, a brother/sister, is better than dying? In my eyes, nothing is worth someone's death, whether for our side or the "enemies.'"
Tonight the news announced that there are protesters in Russia standing up against violence by not being violent. These people are just standing staring straight ahead unwilling to forgive violence. Yet, some people got arrested. Arrested for standing silent? Oh, God forbid that they stand silently! May the police arrest them all! Down with the silence!
Exactly, sounds ridiculous. People are texting and driving without a care in the world. People driving drunk and killing innocent bystanders. There are robbers, rapists, drug dealers, murderers, and so much more roaming the streets, but no, we must arrest the silent protesters! That's just not right. I'm starting to feel very ashamed of those living in this world now. Soon it'll be okay to commit crimes but not to blow your nose in public because there's a slight chance someone can catch a cold and DIE!
I am willing to stand up against violence and speak not a word at all until people realize it's as ridiculous as it seems. One day I will stand in the middle of a riot and stand perfectly still without saying a word in protest to all the violence. I am willing. Are you? Here's my challenge to you: Take a day to think about your opinion on violence and then stand by it without a second thought. Think of it as, "I will go to jail if I have to." Take a stand. Let's stop all this idiotic violence.
After asking Nick what was wrong, he began to sob, "It's too loud." And almost immediately after he said that I got hit in the head with a foam sword and he cried, "STOP THE VIOLENCE! STOP THE VIOLENCE!"I yelled at everyone to calm down and just jump around, no more hitting. That was short lived and the evil little boys began hitting everyone again with their foam swords. Nick again began to cry, "STOP THE VIOLENCE!" It didn't really occur to me in the moment but when I reflected upon it later that night I realized that this boy taught me that already at a young age children are being taught violence. They hit each other and have wars that are all in their imagination, but look at the world now and those kids have grown to actually participate in wars.
Children, that are now fighting for our sakes. Fighting to keep us alive. I give my respects for the fallen. The following day I was listening to my music and a song came up that I always enjoyed listening to and I remembered that the music video for this particular song was of children in a daycare center reenacting war. There was the enemy and there was us, but only it was children and they literally went full out with the confetti bombs and Nerf guns. When I first saw the video I was intrigued and enjoyed myself watching this video, but now, it brings horror to my eyes. What have we taught our children? Anytime someone threatens us or shoves us we instantly go to war? It's what happened with Pearl Harbor and it's what happened with 9/11. Someone decided to slap us in the face but we decided to pull out the gun. Is that really what we want? I've written about senseless violence before, but now it's beginning to affect kids.
For more than 10 years kids have had to grow up without a father, or mother because that parent was either in the plane, the tower, or in the army. Why take away someone as important as that away from a growing child, it makes no sense to me, but it was all for the sake that America cannot look weak? Forget weakness, think smart! Anytime my friends threaten to join the army, navy, marines, or air force, I die a little inside. I don't want to lose my friend simply because someone else is scared of dying or looking weak. No, I want to keep all my friends because they are all good people and would change anyone's life for the better. No, I do not want to be informed that they were killed and that their funeral is nearby. No. People who volunteer are very brave but in reality, I'd rather die myself than see my friends slowly dwindle away.
And children, at such a young age, are being taught that violence is necessary and that their parents died for good reason? Living without a parent, a son/daughter, a niece/nephew, an aunt/uncle, a brother/sister, is better than dying? In my eyes, nothing is worth someone's death, whether for our side or the "enemies.'"
Tonight the news announced that there are protesters in Russia standing up against violence by not being violent. These people are just standing staring straight ahead unwilling to forgive violence. Yet, some people got arrested. Arrested for standing silent? Oh, God forbid that they stand silently! May the police arrest them all! Down with the silence!
Exactly, sounds ridiculous. People are texting and driving without a care in the world. People driving drunk and killing innocent bystanders. There are robbers, rapists, drug dealers, murderers, and so much more roaming the streets, but no, we must arrest the silent protesters! That's just not right. I'm starting to feel very ashamed of those living in this world now. Soon it'll be okay to commit crimes but not to blow your nose in public because there's a slight chance someone can catch a cold and DIE!
I am willing to stand up against violence and speak not a word at all until people realize it's as ridiculous as it seems. One day I will stand in the middle of a riot and stand perfectly still without saying a word in protest to all the violence. I am willing. Are you? Here's my challenge to you: Take a day to think about your opinion on violence and then stand by it without a second thought. Think of it as, "I will go to jail if I have to." Take a stand. Let's stop all this idiotic violence.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Grow up!
It's been brought to my attention several times of America's stupidity and racism but today really put me over the edge. Sebastian de la Cruz is a young HISPANIC boy that is an amazing singer. I am very proud to share my heritage with him and most impressed at his talent because that is where I saw him for the first time. He auditioned for America's Got Talent and he really blew me away, especially for a kid his age.
What put me over was the controversy of him singing the National Anthem. This boy is a natural born American, but because he dresses like a Marriachi singer and looks Mexican, America is offended! This boy has every right to sing the National Anthem! Some say that it's because he's "a minor." That is, for lack of a better word, BULLSHIT. I am an acquaintance with a girl, my age (a minor) who has been asked several different times to sing the National Anthem for baseball games, hockey games, and so on, but not once has anyone complained that because she's a minor she should not be allowed to sing the National Anthem!
He's HISPANIC people, don't fear the race! Admit it! Everyone is just being racist and doesn't want to be seen in a country that likes the diversity of things. If you don't like diversity, move! All foreigners moved because they didn't like their country, or they were seeking the better life, we are not slowing you down! Don't like something? Change it? Don't like taking action? You're screwed! I for one am extremely proud of the mayor of San Antonio, Texas because he stood up, looked all those racists in the face and said "F** You" by asking Sebastian to sing again. You deserve it, America.
You chose to live in this country so deal with the consequences and discomforts. My family does it, my friends families do it. Anyone who has decided to move to this country deals with their surroundings. You should too. Don't try to start drama where you're going to loose. Anyone who likes the "traditional" lifestyle, take a look around. The world is constantly changing and is not waiting for you to catch up with it. Homosexuals, Transgenders, Cross dressers, Mexicans, Filipinos, Chinese, Taiwanese, etc. are living among us everyday! Not everyone likes it, but not everyone says so. Anyone who opposes is denying the world of change! CHANGE! YOLO! A really stupid concept of "You Only Live Once." I hate that concept but at times like these it makes sense. Why spend your life worrying about what other people are doing, saying, or being? Enjoy YOUR life and forget everyone else. Do what YOU want without worrying about what everyone else is doing! Focus on yourself!
There are times where I do not agree with what someone is saying or doing and most of the time I don't do anything because why should I spend my life concerning myself with other people's problems? Why spend what little time I have fighting with a group of people that will probably win anyway? The way I look at it, a lot of people are wasting their lives fighting the homosexuals, protesting those women who get abortions, calling out the crimes caused by police officers, etc. unless you feel like you have nothing else to live for, great, but you're taking away from others who are trying to focus on their lives and live it to the fullest. You're getting in the way of change. Change can be good, but you have to give it a chance. Here's my challenge to you: stop being racist, stop worrying about other people, stop complaining, just enjoy your life and do what you want.
What put me over was the controversy of him singing the National Anthem. This boy is a natural born American, but because he dresses like a Marriachi singer and looks Mexican, America is offended! This boy has every right to sing the National Anthem! Some say that it's because he's "a minor." That is, for lack of a better word, BULLSHIT. I am an acquaintance with a girl, my age (a minor) who has been asked several different times to sing the National Anthem for baseball games, hockey games, and so on, but not once has anyone complained that because she's a minor she should not be allowed to sing the National Anthem!
He's HISPANIC people, don't fear the race! Admit it! Everyone is just being racist and doesn't want to be seen in a country that likes the diversity of things. If you don't like diversity, move! All foreigners moved because they didn't like their country, or they were seeking the better life, we are not slowing you down! Don't like something? Change it? Don't like taking action? You're screwed! I for one am extremely proud of the mayor of San Antonio, Texas because he stood up, looked all those racists in the face and said "F** You" by asking Sebastian to sing again. You deserve it, America.
You chose to live in this country so deal with the consequences and discomforts. My family does it, my friends families do it. Anyone who has decided to move to this country deals with their surroundings. You should too. Don't try to start drama where you're going to loose. Anyone who likes the "traditional" lifestyle, take a look around. The world is constantly changing and is not waiting for you to catch up with it. Homosexuals, Transgenders, Cross dressers, Mexicans, Filipinos, Chinese, Taiwanese, etc. are living among us everyday! Not everyone likes it, but not everyone says so. Anyone who opposes is denying the world of change! CHANGE! YOLO! A really stupid concept of "You Only Live Once." I hate that concept but at times like these it makes sense. Why spend your life worrying about what other people are doing, saying, or being? Enjoy YOUR life and forget everyone else. Do what YOU want without worrying about what everyone else is doing! Focus on yourself!
There are times where I do not agree with what someone is saying or doing and most of the time I don't do anything because why should I spend my life concerning myself with other people's problems? Why spend what little time I have fighting with a group of people that will probably win anyway? The way I look at it, a lot of people are wasting their lives fighting the homosexuals, protesting those women who get abortions, calling out the crimes caused by police officers, etc. unless you feel like you have nothing else to live for, great, but you're taking away from others who are trying to focus on their lives and live it to the fullest. You're getting in the way of change. Change can be good, but you have to give it a chance. Here's my challenge to you: stop being racist, stop worrying about other people, stop complaining, just enjoy your life and do what you want.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Favors
When someone asks me for a favor, I go out of my way to do that favor no matter what. If they need a picture, I send it right away. If they need me to print something out, I make sure that's the first thing I do. However, when I ask for a favor it's too difficult to do.
For the past week I have been very sick. Some type of stomach virus and the doctor told me to take most of the week off. However, it had slipped my mind that I had left one of my text books at school, so I could not do the homework for that class. I asked a friend (let's call him Frank) if he could drop it off on his way home, he said he would let me know.
Today I asked Frank again and he went and got my book from my locker, yet, they call me after school he called me telling me he was getting a ride from his friend, so I should tell my mom that she should go pick it from his house. I was already agitated that he didn't care to even try and bring me my book, but what threw me over was the fact that I didn't want to ask my mom to drive all the way to his house just to get a book he could have easily left at my door.
I call him, to see if he was still at the school so he could just leave it there and I could pick it up later. No, he was already gone. Now I'm frustrated and angry because Frank had told me he could do me this favor, but now he is forcing me to stick out my neck to get the book he should have just dropped off or left at the school! I'm talking to him trying to see what I can do to get my book, and he starts ignoring me! Talking to his friend while I'm desperate to get my book to do the homework that is due! He asks me why I'm mad but doesn't even bother to listen! Instead he hangs up on me! I've had it!
All I needed was for him to drop off my book because I've been really sick and can hardly move! But apparently that's too hard for him! Now I had to sound extremely desperate to a bunch of people because I'm begging for someone to send me the homework and pictures of the questions, because somebody couldn't do for me! Luckily, another friend of mine also has the same teacher and sent it to me. Took her 10 minutes just to take the pictures, send them to me, and tell me what the homework assignment was. 10 MINUTES! That's all it took, but poor Mr. Frank couldn't just drop off the book. When I ask for a favor I expect a 100% effort from that person to do what I asked. Here's my challenge to you: when someone asks you for a favor, do it. It's that simple. Obviously if they're they trust that you will do it. So do it!
For the past week I have been very sick. Some type of stomach virus and the doctor told me to take most of the week off. However, it had slipped my mind that I had left one of my text books at school, so I could not do the homework for that class. I asked a friend (let's call him Frank) if he could drop it off on his way home, he said he would let me know.
Today I asked Frank again and he went and got my book from my locker, yet, they call me after school he called me telling me he was getting a ride from his friend, so I should tell my mom that she should go pick it from his house. I was already agitated that he didn't care to even try and bring me my book, but what threw me over was the fact that I didn't want to ask my mom to drive all the way to his house just to get a book he could have easily left at my door.
I call him, to see if he was still at the school so he could just leave it there and I could pick it up later. No, he was already gone. Now I'm frustrated and angry because Frank had told me he could do me this favor, but now he is forcing me to stick out my neck to get the book he should have just dropped off or left at the school! I'm talking to him trying to see what I can do to get my book, and he starts ignoring me! Talking to his friend while I'm desperate to get my book to do the homework that is due! He asks me why I'm mad but doesn't even bother to listen! Instead he hangs up on me! I've had it!
All I needed was for him to drop off my book because I've been really sick and can hardly move! But apparently that's too hard for him! Now I had to sound extremely desperate to a bunch of people because I'm begging for someone to send me the homework and pictures of the questions, because somebody couldn't do for me! Luckily, another friend of mine also has the same teacher and sent it to me. Took her 10 minutes just to take the pictures, send them to me, and tell me what the homework assignment was. 10 MINUTES! That's all it took, but poor Mr. Frank couldn't just drop off the book. When I ask for a favor I expect a 100% effort from that person to do what I asked. Here's my challenge to you: when someone asks you for a favor, do it. It's that simple. Obviously if they're they trust that you will do it. So do it!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Girlfriend
I'd like to think I'm a good girlfriend. I sacrifice my time, my friends, my hobbies, all just to tend to my boyfriend. Whenever I'm not distracted, I'm usually thinking about him. I dream about what we could do together, and yet, none of it ever happens. We're just so different.
"Opposites attract." Yes they do, but they don't coexist with one another. The don't fit together, in fact, their attracted but pushed apart at the same time. I use to think my boyfriend and I had so much in common. I couldn't be more wrong. Yes, we liked the general things, but when it fell into the details we weren't cohesive.
I love sports. Basketball, tennis, mostly soccer. Parties are the best when I'm around because I'm so spontaneous and vociferous that everyone is entertained. I don't get embarrassed easily, in fact, I embrace it. Expensive things are stupid to me. Give me something cheap or free and I will appreciate it more than anything as long as it came from the heart. Nature is the best thing in the world! Being surrounded by trees, the breeze, the sound of water. It's all so peaceful and beautiful.
However, I don't get to any of these things I enjoy so much. Sports are too dangerous, "I don't want you to get hurt," he says. Cute, but I can handle it, just let me try. No.
Party? I love to party! No. Too risky. Too many people are doing what I don't like. So? Just because they're doing something I don't agree with doesn't mean I'm going to give them a lecture. I'll let them be and do my own thing, I don't mind. I entertain myself and that's that.
Let's go walk around. Let's go to the park. Let's bike ride! Let's do something outside! No. "I'm too tired," "It's too hot." Really?
I'm a huge Disney fan! I love movies! Theater performances! Museums! I've lived in California my whole life and not once have I been to the Santa Monica Pier! Take me! No, no, no!
And yet, I cannot keep away. I am attracted to my opposite and I can't seem to let go. When he kisses me on the head. Holds my hand gently. Takes my face in his hands and tells my he loves me and never wants anything to happen to me. When we cuddle together and it's not at all sexual. When he fixes my hair. Writes me cards. Buys me gifts. These actions win me over and I can't help it. I'm definitely attracted.
Yes, I would like that I can do everything I like again. Hear him say yes for once.
This may sound dumb to you or maybe you agree with me, but as personal as this is, and I know my boyfriend wont like it, but today I wasn't expecting to call my boyfriend and hear him tell me that a girl friend is picking him up and taking him to her house. Thanks for the heads up. What does he expect me to say? "Oh joy! I'm so glad this girl friend of yours is picking you up and taking you with her to her house where I have no clue where it's located! Enjoy..." Really?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but what part of any of this sounds like everything is okay? Oh, it's because she drives that it's okay, well that just makes everything much better! If he was so concerned about driving he would have busted his ass to try and get his license. Yet, he is not.
However, his small smiles, his eyes, his laugh all just win me over. His fingers rubbing my arm. His small, random kisses on my cheek. Immature? Maybe, but he has a right to be. It's just that I'm considered too mature for my age. Screws us both over, but, "opposites attract."
I'll admit, I'm very jealous. I wasn't always, but when I realized what a catch my boyfriend really was, I got protective. Maybe even a little obsessed. "Clingy." That may be true, but at least I show that I care. Give me a chance, I will prove that I can be the best girlfriend in the world.
"Opposites attract." Yes they do, but they don't coexist with one another. The don't fit together, in fact, their attracted but pushed apart at the same time. I use to think my boyfriend and I had so much in common. I couldn't be more wrong. Yes, we liked the general things, but when it fell into the details we weren't cohesive.
I love sports. Basketball, tennis, mostly soccer. Parties are the best when I'm around because I'm so spontaneous and vociferous that everyone is entertained. I don't get embarrassed easily, in fact, I embrace it. Expensive things are stupid to me. Give me something cheap or free and I will appreciate it more than anything as long as it came from the heart. Nature is the best thing in the world! Being surrounded by trees, the breeze, the sound of water. It's all so peaceful and beautiful.
However, I don't get to any of these things I enjoy so much. Sports are too dangerous, "I don't want you to get hurt," he says. Cute, but I can handle it, just let me try. No.
Party? I love to party! No. Too risky. Too many people are doing what I don't like. So? Just because they're doing something I don't agree with doesn't mean I'm going to give them a lecture. I'll let them be and do my own thing, I don't mind. I entertain myself and that's that.
Let's go walk around. Let's go to the park. Let's bike ride! Let's do something outside! No. "I'm too tired," "It's too hot." Really?
I'm a huge Disney fan! I love movies! Theater performances! Museums! I've lived in California my whole life and not once have I been to the Santa Monica Pier! Take me! No, no, no!
And yet, I cannot keep away. I am attracted to my opposite and I can't seem to let go. When he kisses me on the head. Holds my hand gently. Takes my face in his hands and tells my he loves me and never wants anything to happen to me. When we cuddle together and it's not at all sexual. When he fixes my hair. Writes me cards. Buys me gifts. These actions win me over and I can't help it. I'm definitely attracted.
Yes, I would like that I can do everything I like again. Hear him say yes for once.
This may sound dumb to you or maybe you agree with me, but as personal as this is, and I know my boyfriend wont like it, but today I wasn't expecting to call my boyfriend and hear him tell me that a girl friend is picking him up and taking him to her house. Thanks for the heads up. What does he expect me to say? "Oh joy! I'm so glad this girl friend of yours is picking you up and taking you with her to her house where I have no clue where it's located! Enjoy..." Really?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but what part of any of this sounds like everything is okay? Oh, it's because she drives that it's okay, well that just makes everything much better! If he was so concerned about driving he would have busted his ass to try and get his license. Yet, he is not.
However, his small smiles, his eyes, his laugh all just win me over. His fingers rubbing my arm. His small, random kisses on my cheek. Immature? Maybe, but he has a right to be. It's just that I'm considered too mature for my age. Screws us both over, but, "opposites attract."
I'll admit, I'm very jealous. I wasn't always, but when I realized what a catch my boyfriend really was, I got protective. Maybe even a little obsessed. "Clingy." That may be true, but at least I show that I care. Give me a chance, I will prove that I can be the best girlfriend in the world.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Loss
This year has definitely been filled with loss. Two lives lost within 2 months, yet each were accepted differently the way the lives were lost differently. First it was someone I didn't really know. The second, someone I did know. The first loss was made into a big deal. The second, hardly anyone knows. To me, there shouldn't be such a huge difference. In the end, two lives were taken, and two families lost a child. Why should the attention given to them be different?
I understand that the first life took some time, she was in a coma for a few days and that gave everyone hope. There were several prayer sessions, candles were lit, and posters were made. There wasn't a day that went by where you didn't see a post including RIP. My news feed was flooded by posts and pictures. All this time brings me to notice, the family and the friends had time to cope with the idea that maybe she wasn't going to pull through. After the first sign, I was already prepared for the loss. Yes, everyone experiences sorrow differently, but at least everyone was given time.
The recent loss, I was informed, happened just this past Friday, February 1, 2013. A friend of mine, a senior, was riding his Moped, suddenly, he crashed into a truck... he died. During this time I was in the lock-in, I didn't find out until Saturday night. How sudden. One day I was wondering why I hadn't seen him in a while, the next day I find out he's dead. His parents didn't get the opportunity to prepare, and his friends sure as hell didn't.
Yet, I show up to school Monday morning and no one has a clue of what happened. Still, 2 days later, there is really no idea of the loss. Why? Because no one thought it should be as big of a deal as the first loss. I'm not saying that the last loss was meaningless, I'm saying that this loss should not go unnoticed if everyone made a HUGE deal about the last one. No parent deserves to lose a child, especially if those children were so close to graduating. No friend should feel the loss of another friend, especially if they were anxious to continue being their friend. I hardly knew this guy but I knew him better than the girl who died.
I want to make this death a big deal but I'm not ready, and I'm sure no one else is. However, I wish to say, please pray for his family as well as the other girl's. Thank you, and please value your life as well as others'.
I understand that the first life took some time, she was in a coma for a few days and that gave everyone hope. There were several prayer sessions, candles were lit, and posters were made. There wasn't a day that went by where you didn't see a post including RIP. My news feed was flooded by posts and pictures. All this time brings me to notice, the family and the friends had time to cope with the idea that maybe she wasn't going to pull through. After the first sign, I was already prepared for the loss. Yes, everyone experiences sorrow differently, but at least everyone was given time.
The recent loss, I was informed, happened just this past Friday, February 1, 2013. A friend of mine, a senior, was riding his Moped, suddenly, he crashed into a truck... he died. During this time I was in the lock-in, I didn't find out until Saturday night. How sudden. One day I was wondering why I hadn't seen him in a while, the next day I find out he's dead. His parents didn't get the opportunity to prepare, and his friends sure as hell didn't.
Yet, I show up to school Monday morning and no one has a clue of what happened. Still, 2 days later, there is really no idea of the loss. Why? Because no one thought it should be as big of a deal as the first loss. I'm not saying that the last loss was meaningless, I'm saying that this loss should not go unnoticed if everyone made a HUGE deal about the last one. No parent deserves to lose a child, especially if those children were so close to graduating. No friend should feel the loss of another friend, especially if they were anxious to continue being their friend. I hardly knew this guy but I knew him better than the girl who died.
I want to make this death a big deal but I'm not ready, and I'm sure no one else is. However, I wish to say, please pray for his family as well as the other girl's. Thank you, and please value your life as well as others'.
Geocaching
Hello my fellow readers! It's been a while since I've written because I've been extremely busy, but I'm writing now and I want to share my experience with Geocaching. Geocaching is basically a modern treasure hunt. First you download the app, either free or $10, then pick a place where you want to find the treasure. Pretty simple right? Sometimes, it all depends on the hints and how good you are at finding the treasure.
For the past 2 Sundays I have gone Geocaching with the youth ministry of my church. It's been a good experience because I got to spend with my friends, get exercise, and find hidden treasure. You don't always have to go on foot, most people like to go by car, but once we went walking because it was nearby.
Not only is Geocaching about finding treasure, it's also a team effort. One person navigates and reads the hints. It's up to the team to figure out where the Geocach is hidden. Trust me, it's gets frustrating trying to figure out the hints, but usually it's worth it.
However, sometimes you can't find team work. For instance, this past Sunday my team and I went on 2 Geocaches. The first one took us a while because the hints were confusing but we found it eventually! The second Geocach is a bit of a different story.The team ended up splitting up. Most of the girls stayed behind while the boys ventured up into the underbrush. We waited 20 minutes before calling them to check up on their progress. They hadn't found it.
Another 10 minutes and we called again. They still hadn't found it. We were sure the Geocach was much closer to where we were, but we didn't have the hints to know for sure and the boys refused to come back down. As much as we wanted to find the Geocach, it would be lost forever because their was a huge lack of team work. Maybe if we had stuck together we could have found the Geocach. It's a lesson well learned and hopefully we don't do it again.
The victory of finding a Geocach is the best feeling ever, but the fact that I got to do with my friends made the experience even better. I suggest going Geocaching because you get to learn teamwork and enjoy yourself in the process! My challenge to you: Try Geocaching at least once with a group of enthusiastic friends and find some hidden treasure!
For the past 2 Sundays I have gone Geocaching with the youth ministry of my church. It's been a good experience because I got to spend with my friends, get exercise, and find hidden treasure. You don't always have to go on foot, most people like to go by car, but once we went walking because it was nearby.
Not only is Geocaching about finding treasure, it's also a team effort. One person navigates and reads the hints. It's up to the team to figure out where the Geocach is hidden. Trust me, it's gets frustrating trying to figure out the hints, but usually it's worth it.
However, sometimes you can't find team work. For instance, this past Sunday my team and I went on 2 Geocaches. The first one took us a while because the hints were confusing but we found it eventually! The second Geocach is a bit of a different story.The team ended up splitting up. Most of the girls stayed behind while the boys ventured up into the underbrush. We waited 20 minutes before calling them to check up on their progress. They hadn't found it.
Another 10 minutes and we called again. They still hadn't found it. We were sure the Geocach was much closer to where we were, but we didn't have the hints to know for sure and the boys refused to come back down. As much as we wanted to find the Geocach, it would be lost forever because their was a huge lack of team work. Maybe if we had stuck together we could have found the Geocach. It's a lesson well learned and hopefully we don't do it again.
The victory of finding a Geocach is the best feeling ever, but the fact that I got to do with my friends made the experience even better. I suggest going Geocaching because you get to learn teamwork and enjoy yourself in the process! My challenge to you: Try Geocaching at least once with a group of enthusiastic friends and find some hidden treasure!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Time to Think
I'm a church freak. Not to say I'm hard core Catholic, no, I'm far from that. But I do enjoy spending a lot of my time at church helping out. Because I am involved in the youth ministry group (CORE Team) I'm at church a lot. I love being at church. The best part is constantly being surrounded by friends that feel more like family and getting to do some fun stuff while learning more about my religion.
The other night, Friday night, I attended our church Lock-in. This event consists of basically locking in the attendants in the hall for the night. It's been the best experiences ever. We play a lot of games, talk about the Bible but best of all, watch movies all night. Me, personally, I stay up all night, but not watching the movies, by simply talking with my friends. That friend Bobby, is one of my best friends. We normally spend the entire night talking about who knows what?
We're both quite the talker so it helps. We have a lot of debates, most of which I cannot remember. It's very interesting. The point I am trying to get to is the time spent in life is not usually about what you do in it like sky diving or bungee jumping or crossing off everything on your bucket list, though all these experiences would be amazing, the quality of the experience isn't as appealing to me. Moments spent with good company and meaningful conversations are, to me, the best time spent.
Every lock-in, which have been 2 so far, I've spent up all night. Not once do I get to sleep, even if I tried, there's always someone keeping me awake, most of the time, Bobby. These all nighters help me to think a lot more than I usually do. The people in this world no longer take time out of their lives to sit down and think. I'm lucky I have these lock-ins or else I probably wouldn't either. Here's my challenge to you: Take time to simply sit down, no distractions, and think about anything and everything. Relationships, work, school, people, whatever it may be, just think.
The other night, Friday night, I attended our church Lock-in. This event consists of basically locking in the attendants in the hall for the night. It's been the best experiences ever. We play a lot of games, talk about the Bible but best of all, watch movies all night. Me, personally, I stay up all night, but not watching the movies, by simply talking with my friends. That friend Bobby, is one of my best friends. We normally spend the entire night talking about who knows what?
We're both quite the talker so it helps. We have a lot of debates, most of which I cannot remember. It's very interesting. The point I am trying to get to is the time spent in life is not usually about what you do in it like sky diving or bungee jumping or crossing off everything on your bucket list, though all these experiences would be amazing, the quality of the experience isn't as appealing to me. Moments spent with good company and meaningful conversations are, to me, the best time spent.
Every lock-in, which have been 2 so far, I've spent up all night. Not once do I get to sleep, even if I tried, there's always someone keeping me awake, most of the time, Bobby. These all nighters help me to think a lot more than I usually do. The people in this world no longer take time out of their lives to sit down and think. I'm lucky I have these lock-ins or else I probably wouldn't either. Here's my challenge to you: Take time to simply sit down, no distractions, and think about anything and everything. Relationships, work, school, people, whatever it may be, just think.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Give a little something
Last night I realized something. My parents had just picked me up from church and I was feeling hungry so I asked if they would take me to Jack in the Box. I was in the mood for 99 cent tacos. We show up and order. My parents pull out their wallets; my dad hands the cashier his last few dollars and my mom hands them change. 4 tacos, brownies, and a large soda. When we received the food I began to eat and talk to my parents. 2 tacos in I realize how big the tacos are. They've never been like that before. My parents saw me struggling and began to laugh.
My dad explained to me that it must have looked like we ordered 4 tacos to feed the 3 of us. Scraping for money didn't help, it just made us look desperate. As funny as my parents found it, I actually appreciated the gesture. Maybe there are others who are actually poor and can only afford to eat tacos. The people in Jack in the Box truly wanted us to eat, so they probably feed the poor well.
My dad told me that there was a Jack in the Box located near a Home Depot that sell 3 tacos for 99 cents. Normally it's just 2, but there are workers that can only afford to eat tacos, so this Jack in the Box decided to give them more for less. If only the rest of the world could be so generous. If only we could easily give up a little something to give to someone something much bigger than we think. A little gesture to say, "I'm here for you. I am your guardian angel."
People need to let go of material things and give up one the whole rich guy dream. Be humble and grateful and the world will love you the way you are. My challenge to you: give someone something no matter what the cost, I'm sure they will appreciate it.
My dad explained to me that it must have looked like we ordered 4 tacos to feed the 3 of us. Scraping for money didn't help, it just made us look desperate. As funny as my parents found it, I actually appreciated the gesture. Maybe there are others who are actually poor and can only afford to eat tacos. The people in Jack in the Box truly wanted us to eat, so they probably feed the poor well.
My dad told me that there was a Jack in the Box located near a Home Depot that sell 3 tacos for 99 cents. Normally it's just 2, but there are workers that can only afford to eat tacos, so this Jack in the Box decided to give them more for less. If only the rest of the world could be so generous. If only we could easily give up a little something to give to someone something much bigger than we think. A little gesture to say, "I'm here for you. I am your guardian angel."
People need to let go of material things and give up one the whole rich guy dream. Be humble and grateful and the world will love you the way you are. My challenge to you: give someone something no matter what the cost, I'm sure they will appreciate it.
Nuclear War
Hello, my fellow readers! I apologize for not being so consistent on my posts, I've been pretty busy with school work and getting to bed at a ridiculous hours, but I'm writing now, right before I go on retreat. My topic today was brought to my attention during my AP Rhet class. My teacher played Obama's America 2016. The movie altogether was full of facts and quite interesting, the target, however, was ridiculous. I'm not going to talk about Obama, I'm going to talk about the nuclear weapons.
First of all, I am fully against any kind of war or violence or fighting. I despise it. In the video, they said that Obama is getting rid of a lot of our nuclear weapons "leaving us defenseless." Defenseless? To me, it's more like being the "bigger man." Here's an example I gave my peers in order to agree with me:
It's a Western duel. Two cowboys stand face to face, holding a pistol on each other. One man says, "let's drop our weapons and fight like a man." The two men stare at each other contemplating whether the other man will indeed drop his weapon. Once one man drops the gun it's like he knows that there's a chance he's the bigger man who knows he can win without a gun, and there's also the possibility that the other man is a traitor and wimp and shoots him anyway. Who's the bigger man?
Another scenario:
Everyone in a room is standing. One person decides that their legs hurt and they want to sit down, so they do. Once that one person sits down another sees and thinks that he too wants to sit down. Eventually everyone is sitting and it's all because of that one person.
Honestly, who need nuclear weapons if its only to be like everyone else? What does this teach the younger generation who were told that you should never fall into peer pressure and "just say no." If America is simply keeping these weapons "just in case" another country wants to attack, well, that doesn't comfort me at all. What comforts me is the thought that if someone wants to shoot at me, let them, I'm not afraid to die. The people in this world are just so caught up in living longer when life, once upon a time, had people dying at 30. Everyone is afraid to die.
The army. The army has volunteers willing to die for their country. Good for you volunteers, but if your going to war to protect me, don't! I'd rather be the one to die than have a perfect stranger to take a bullet for me. I've said this so many times to my parents: "if someone is shooting at me, it must be for a good reason."
Go ahead and think that America is defenseless and Obama's an idiot. To me, America is being the "bigger man." We are no longer following the crowd.
First of all, I am fully against any kind of war or violence or fighting. I despise it. In the video, they said that Obama is getting rid of a lot of our nuclear weapons "leaving us defenseless." Defenseless? To me, it's more like being the "bigger man." Here's an example I gave my peers in order to agree with me:
It's a Western duel. Two cowboys stand face to face, holding a pistol on each other. One man says, "let's drop our weapons and fight like a man." The two men stare at each other contemplating whether the other man will indeed drop his weapon. Once one man drops the gun it's like he knows that there's a chance he's the bigger man who knows he can win without a gun, and there's also the possibility that the other man is a traitor and wimp and shoots him anyway. Who's the bigger man?
Another scenario:
Everyone in a room is standing. One person decides that their legs hurt and they want to sit down, so they do. Once that one person sits down another sees and thinks that he too wants to sit down. Eventually everyone is sitting and it's all because of that one person.
Honestly, who need nuclear weapons if its only to be like everyone else? What does this teach the younger generation who were told that you should never fall into peer pressure and "just say no." If America is simply keeping these weapons "just in case" another country wants to attack, well, that doesn't comfort me at all. What comforts me is the thought that if someone wants to shoot at me, let them, I'm not afraid to die. The people in this world are just so caught up in living longer when life, once upon a time, had people dying at 30. Everyone is afraid to die.
The army. The army has volunteers willing to die for their country. Good for you volunteers, but if your going to war to protect me, don't! I'd rather be the one to die than have a perfect stranger to take a bullet for me. I've said this so many times to my parents: "if someone is shooting at me, it must be for a good reason."
Go ahead and think that America is defenseless and Obama's an idiot. To me, America is being the "bigger man." We are no longer following the crowd.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Relationships
Everyone knows a cute couple that have been together for a long time. Usually they're grandparents. And I tend to wonder how they stayed together for so long. My grandparents will be celebrating their 50th anniversary. However, they fight so much! I wonder how they've been together for so long, but then I look at my grandpa. He's adorable. He likes to hold on to my grandma and kiss her, and try to be funny. It's like he's not giving up.
My parents have been married for 26 years. They recently renewed their vows but it was the wedding they never got to have. They too fight a lot, but my dad is a lot like my grandpa. He's sweet with my mom, trying to make her laugh, doing and getting for her what she likes. I want something like that.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We're comfortable with each other, he makes me laugh, and says the cutest things, but at times I feel like he doesn't try. It saddens me. I hear this a lot, "you don't know what love is" well, I think that I am in love because we definitely tolerate each other like my grandparents. It's just that when there's an opportunity for him to do something nice for me, he doesn't take the chance. Maybe it's our age and we're restricted by a lot of rules, but who says he can't do what he can.
I found out he was passing through the city I live in. Since he was so close I actually believe he would stop by to say hi. He didn't. I'm very disappointed. He also told me that his friends were coming over. That made sense. He didn't want to waste time saying hi to me, he just wanted to get home and see his friends. Who blames him? I want to see my friends too. Yet, if I could ever have the chance to see my boyfriend I would take that within a heartbeat. He doesn't.
What I'm trying to say, is that I wish sparks would never disappear. I thought he could be sweet with me the way my grandpa is with my grandma or the way my dad is with my mom. Or even the way my sister's boyfriend is with her. He doesn't do much but what he does is special to my sister. It's my only wish. My boyfriend doesn't like to read my blogs, or go to church with me but that all makes sense since he hates reading and is not religious. But when it comes to little things, I thought he was better than how he is. It would only take a few minutes for him to stop by and say hi then leave. It only takes a text message for me to feel happy. One long phone call to make me feel like I matter. He doesn't do that anymore. My challenge to you: if you're in any kind of relationship, do whatever it takes to make your other half feel special. Do it the way they like and you can't go wrong.
My parents have been married for 26 years. They recently renewed their vows but it was the wedding they never got to have. They too fight a lot, but my dad is a lot like my grandpa. He's sweet with my mom, trying to make her laugh, doing and getting for her what she likes. I want something like that.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We're comfortable with each other, he makes me laugh, and says the cutest things, but at times I feel like he doesn't try. It saddens me. I hear this a lot, "you don't know what love is" well, I think that I am in love because we definitely tolerate each other like my grandparents. It's just that when there's an opportunity for him to do something nice for me, he doesn't take the chance. Maybe it's our age and we're restricted by a lot of rules, but who says he can't do what he can.
I found out he was passing through the city I live in. Since he was so close I actually believe he would stop by to say hi. He didn't. I'm very disappointed. He also told me that his friends were coming over. That made sense. He didn't want to waste time saying hi to me, he just wanted to get home and see his friends. Who blames him? I want to see my friends too. Yet, if I could ever have the chance to see my boyfriend I would take that within a heartbeat. He doesn't.
What I'm trying to say, is that I wish sparks would never disappear. I thought he could be sweet with me the way my grandpa is with my grandma or the way my dad is with my mom. Or even the way my sister's boyfriend is with her. He doesn't do much but what he does is special to my sister. It's my only wish. My boyfriend doesn't like to read my blogs, or go to church with me but that all makes sense since he hates reading and is not religious. But when it comes to little things, I thought he was better than how he is. It would only take a few minutes for him to stop by and say hi then leave. It only takes a text message for me to feel happy. One long phone call to make me feel like I matter. He doesn't do that anymore. My challenge to you: if you're in any kind of relationship, do whatever it takes to make your other half feel special. Do it the way they like and you can't go wrong.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Music
It's been a while, I realized. There hasn't been much excitement in my life right now. Everything's been going normal, the people who love me still love me. The people that hate me still hate me. There hasn't been any real drama or altercations. No debates. No entertainment. Today, however, I got extremely bored. I cleaned my room, but I was bored again. I sat at the edge of my bed, contemplating what I would do to fill the gap. Writing? Reading? Then something popped into my head. I haven't played my violin in a long time.
I got off my bed and went to my closet where my violin was buried. The last time I picked up my violin was a while ago, and before that, years. Throughout my middle school years I was lucky enough to join my school orchestra. I had the best teacher in the world. Going into 6th grade I knew next to nothing about violins. When I came out of middle school, I could play effortlessly. I wasn't professional, but it was better than how I started. No lessons. No clue. Best teacher. Best three years of my life.
After another three years I pick up that violin, and prepare myself. Turns out, I suck. That's okay, I thought maybe after playing a few songs I could play the way I use to. That wasn't true at all. I played a few songs, several times in fact, but no matter how many times I played I kept thinking, how the hell did I do this so well before? I played for hours, my arm ached, my back ached, my head hurt, I was frustrated, so I put my violin away, but just hearing the sound of that violin took me back to my middle school years. Those hours spent practicing and playing. The friends I made in orchestra. The performances we had. Inspiring elementary kids to join.
We were a huge orchestra, over 100 kids. One teacher. One amazing teacher who never gave up and pressed us to be as good as we could be, if not better. This teacher didn't take away my love for music, he only made it better. He enhanced my skills. Without any lessons, this man taught me everything I know about violins and music. The orchestra is the best memory I have. When I was going into high school, I didn't want to continue. Selfishly, I refused to audition and have a different teacher. Now, I regret that decision.
The teacher may not be the same but I should have continued in orchestra. It's too late now, but I still appreciate the music we played and what I hear now. String instruments just have a way with my soul like any other instruments. Which reminds me, does anyone want to buy a clarinet? It's in great condition. A Suzuki. Still has a case and everything else needed. Reed isn't included, unless you want to use one that I did, but that's gross.
Anyway, it's hard to appreciate music because it's almost like nothing is special anymore. Everything is about sex, or trying to get laid, or drinking. It's hard to find inspirational music. Classical music helps me release any pain, it helps me focus, and it's just a beautiful mesh of different octaves and types of instruments. My challenge: listen to classical music as much as possible and write down what you feel when you hear it. Who knows? Maybe classical music will bring out a side of you you never thought you had.
I got off my bed and went to my closet where my violin was buried. The last time I picked up my violin was a while ago, and before that, years. Throughout my middle school years I was lucky enough to join my school orchestra. I had the best teacher in the world. Going into 6th grade I knew next to nothing about violins. When I came out of middle school, I could play effortlessly. I wasn't professional, but it was better than how I started. No lessons. No clue. Best teacher. Best three years of my life.
After another three years I pick up that violin, and prepare myself. Turns out, I suck. That's okay, I thought maybe after playing a few songs I could play the way I use to. That wasn't true at all. I played a few songs, several times in fact, but no matter how many times I played I kept thinking, how the hell did I do this so well before? I played for hours, my arm ached, my back ached, my head hurt, I was frustrated, so I put my violin away, but just hearing the sound of that violin took me back to my middle school years. Those hours spent practicing and playing. The friends I made in orchestra. The performances we had. Inspiring elementary kids to join.
We were a huge orchestra, over 100 kids. One teacher. One amazing teacher who never gave up and pressed us to be as good as we could be, if not better. This teacher didn't take away my love for music, he only made it better. He enhanced my skills. Without any lessons, this man taught me everything I know about violins and music. The orchestra is the best memory I have. When I was going into high school, I didn't want to continue. Selfishly, I refused to audition and have a different teacher. Now, I regret that decision.
The teacher may not be the same but I should have continued in orchestra. It's too late now, but I still appreciate the music we played and what I hear now. String instruments just have a way with my soul like any other instruments. Which reminds me, does anyone want to buy a clarinet? It's in great condition. A Suzuki. Still has a case and everything else needed. Reed isn't included, unless you want to use one that I did, but that's gross.
Anyway, it's hard to appreciate music because it's almost like nothing is special anymore. Everything is about sex, or trying to get laid, or drinking. It's hard to find inspirational music. Classical music helps me release any pain, it helps me focus, and it's just a beautiful mesh of different octaves and types of instruments. My challenge: listen to classical music as much as possible and write down what you feel when you hear it. Who knows? Maybe classical music will bring out a side of you you never thought you had.
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