Who am I?

I'm Damaris Chavez and I have no clue who I really am. I always thought I knew or at least had an idea but now I see that I don't. The things I cannot avoid knowing that is truly a part of me is that I'm Catholic and I'm Colombian and Mexican but a tad bit white washed. I'm a girl and I have a crazy, wonderful family. It took my trip to Colombia to discover who my true friends are and seeing that my boyfriend wasn't exactly who I thought he was.
Being so far from home helps me think about what I want for my future. I still want to pursue chemistry as a major, but I have yet to discover whether English Literature is my forté. I know I want to study something along the lines of English but I have no idea what. I've seen that I've been preventing myself to do what I like. I love reading and writing. I love taking walks to no place in particular. I love nature. And the most important is that I love helping people.
My high school life is almost at an end and I have not joined a club. The idea struck me that I never found a club that intrigued me, one that made me feel like "yes, I REALLY want to join." Luckily, my sister gave me the idea of starting my own club, one that appeals to me and hopefully others that are like me. A club that doesn't make you feel like a group of people but family, people you can turn to and get advice or talk to without feeling judged. A family that helps each other by raising money or just washing your car. That is my ideal club and I pray to God that I will not chicken out. I am anxious to start this club and if I succeed I will not let it die.
I'm the kind of girl that is easy to please. Easy to make happy. I don't ask for money, I don't even ask for you to be cute, but I do ask for someone that will treat me right and know what they have before I decide to walk away. Sitting around and talking for hours endlessly, going for walks, playing sports, anything really! I love sports, but I've been denied so many times to play by my boyfriend. Take me out just to sit on a bench would suffice my urge to do something, anything but stay at home and do nothing. Card games, or board games, lame made up games, or dominoes, I don't really care what just as long as I'm doing it with you.
The you I'm missing. You, whoever you are. I have yet to find you, but I am waiting. What I realized was the unhappiness I felt not doing everything I told myself I would do. Clubs, sports, strait As. My luck was stretched this year, but somehow I managed to keep up my grades, in fact in the last 2 weeks of school I raised 3 of my Bs to A-. I like to think that I'm smart but when it comes to a social life I fail. The friends I thought were my friends were simply strangers I sat with and talked to once in a while. Some of those I got close to backstabbed me or just walked away without a word as to why.
My choice in friends are that I don't actually have any except for the ones I met at church. I know I can count on them. My friends have made more of an effort to talk to me despite how far I am, my boyfriend, sadly, hasn't tried at all. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder?" More like distance makes the heart and mind have long, intimate conversations on whether this love is real or not. That is what this trip has taught me to think about.
I want to know who Damaris is, not who anyone told her to be. I'm a flirt. I like the sensation of falling for someone. The thrill of meeting new people. The laughter of stupid things that happen. Spending time with my family or talking to my friends. That's who I use to be. The weirdo who wore the oddest clothes. The freak that got a lot of attention from guys. The slut the had rumors spread of her sleeping with those guys. Does anyone really know who I am? If you do, please tell me because I have lost myself in a deep black hole that only became all about pleasing my boyfriend and focusing on keeping my grades up just to stay with him.
The times I came out to bathe in the sunlight were those nights I spent with the Confirmanti at church. The days of retreat. The meetings to plan all these crazy, educational and fun events. That was my sunlight. My beach was when I came to Colombia spending time with the family I don't get to see often. Mi familia. The ones that care about me more than anyone. The ones who tell us chismes and try to hook me up with chicos guapos. This was the side that revealed itself to me, but I must go in search of the rest of me. Who am I?
Am I really this innocent girl, or am I the devil succumbing to what everyone tells me? Who am I?