First of all I'd like to apologize to those who enjoy reading my blog for not having posted in over a year. My life had taken a strange turn of events and has since been taking my attention away from here.
Since July of 2015, (wow, that's a long time) I've made and lost friends, achieved and failed classes, went through a break up, went on vacation, and witness sickness and death within my family. As most people are aware, 2016 was not the best year for most people and that includes me. Not only in my personal issues but also politically and socially. I'm not one to speak politics so I won't discuss that nor do I wish to start any controversy, but I can say with confidence that I am disappointed in the way 2016, in its entirety, has turned out.
Honestly, I remember being stressed and hurt most of the year. I'd broken up with my boyfriend of two years halfway through the summer then took a trip to Colombia for a couple weeks before school started. During my trip I noticed how sad I truly was in my relationship and I felt ashamed for having let it gone so long. Luckily, my family unknowingly helped me through and made me realize that family will always be there for me, so I should never push them aside. They taught me to enjoy life when you can and make due with what you got. I had a lot of genuine laughs and made a lot of memories. When I came back from my trip I felt renewed and ready to take on school and control my life.
Almost immediately I made friends and formed a small group in my organic chemistry class. I grew closer with those who do research in the same lab as me and gained more confidence. However, during the month of October both my grandparents grew ill and were taken to the hospital. During this time I saw my mother step up to the plate and take control of the situation. I admire my mom and all the work she started to put in by cooking, cleaning, running errands, and taking care of both of my grandparents. Thankfully both have gotten better and my mother has gotten into a bit of a routine, but after everything transpired, I felt motivated to get through my semester without complaining to my family so they had one less thing to worry about.
I studied hard with my group of friends and spent a lot of time in lab. Yet, I'm the kind of person who also makes time to have fun. There were days that I would spend with my sister or my best friend and I even went on a few dates. When I started dating I wanted to make sure I was ready. After coming out of a long relationship that took a toll on my confidence and trust, I didn't just want to jump right in and potentially hurt someone else, so I waited. I made it a priority to make sure I was happy on my own. I'd read somewhere that being in a relationship is about being happy when you're by yourself but even happier with another person. Happy I became. I made friends and grew closer with family. I focused on school and really felt like I was starting to do well. My confidence increased and I realized that I am worth a good effort. A few months in, I felt ready. It was nice to go on a few dates but one guy stood out the most and we've gotten closer ever since. My happiness has increased despite how the semester ended.
My grandmother on my father's side passed away recently... I knew it was going to be hard on my father but I hadn't realized how hard. There's no pain like the loss of a parent, but I have been blessed to have both of mine still alive. Death is not easily accepted and the grief is different for everyone. Some prefer to reminisce in the good memories, some cry, and some distract themselves in work, among many other coping mechanisms. When my father returned from burying his mother I knew I had to be strong and listen. Although I'm his youngest and recently turned 21, he needed someone to support him while my mom was on her trip, so I stepped up. It hasn't been easy on him, but he's getting through and I'm proud of him for that.
The idea of death and suffering has been on my mind tremendously. I began to wonder what I'd prefer if I got too sick to take care of myself or if I had cancer or if I had gotten into a bad car wreck. It's not smart to think about all that but when there's death, I tend to wonder. There's no way to ever be ready for death and I'm always afraid I'll die young before I get to experience life. If you've lost track or have not read far enough, I work as a receptionist for a church. Recently I had a woman come in to request that three names be added to our prayer list for the sick. Turns out, these three names were of three little girls who all had some kind of cancer... they're 10 years old. Here I am, fearful that I'll die "young" at the age of 21 when these little girls are only 10. I pray that they get through and fight off their cancer because then they can experience life in their own special way. I've gotten to get an education, have boyfriends, make friends, and take trips. I've gotten to travel and try new foods and be happy. I would hate to find out these girls did not get to experience any of that... make memories of their own.
2016 has been a year of heart ache and happiness. Self-doubt and self-growth. I've learned so much in such a short period of time and hope to continue to grow. It'll take time and time is what I hope to have. Here's my challenge to you: Live life one day at a time and to the fullest. Learn something, create a memory, be happy, but don't regret a minute of your time. Good or bad, grow from it and be the person you want to be. That's what will make 2017 a better year. A better you. Good luck!
