Freedom is a strange idea. The liberty to do as one pleases. Sounds pretty good. But sometimes freedom can be used in a different context. Freedom, the moment where nothing else matters, the past is forgotten and the future doesn't exist, only the now is worth anything.
Jacob and I have gotten closer since my last post. I've gotten him to open up and not shut me out. We'll act like those "weirdos" in public and without a care in the world. He makes me happy and I haven't been happy in the longest time. Sad to say, but my last relationship, the one I was so scared to end, had been miserable after the first year. The first year was all fun and games, but after that, there was nothing, no dates, no affection, nothing that showed me he cared. Now, I feel happy and, almost all at once, I'm trying to make up for that loss.
Constantly going out and doing things with my friends, I forgot to prioritize myself. My grades had already been slipping, but it got worse. I've done all I can to bring them up and focus, yet, it's not as easy as it appears to be. Jacob has been there for me. Regardless of what I tell him, he gives me space and time. He only wants the best for me and I've never experienced someone caring that much for me. That's when I saw that I wanted the best for him and I knew that I needed to return the favor because he had done so much for me.
As I've mentioned before, Jacob is very talented and seems to only "perform" for me, in private. He lacks confidence in his singing and it frustrates me. That's beside the point I'm trying to make. What I wanted to aim towards is the fact that he doesn't possess a confidence in anything that he does despite how good he is. The modesty is what bothers me because he could go so far. On the other hand, he tells me I'm talented in a few things as well and I deny it all. It appears that we will never find a "happy medium" but we do try hard to get the other to admit to at least one talent.
Anyway, recently we were both bored, texting because we could not be together, and Jacob realized he didn't know what to do. Knowing that he would not be comfortable with the idea, I told him to write me a story. Yes, a story. He writes poetry, lyrics, songs, but he didn't ever feel comfortable with actually writing a story. I was right, he wasn't comfortable with the idea, but he told me he would only do it if I wrote and sang a song to him. Now I wasn't comfortable, but in order to get him to do it, I agreed. Bad idea, if I may add. I've never been good at writing songs, I can't even make a catchy tune or jingle. Personally, I don't even think I can sing, but he wants me to so I am, just to be fair.
Comfort. A safe place. A bubble. Cocoon. Whatever you want to call it, it's that place you retreat to and refuse to leave. "There's no way in Hell I'm leaving this amazing place." Yeah, I don't want to either, but you know what? Sometimes you need to step out of that comfort zone. Spread your wings and fly. Try something new even though you really don't want to. Jacob and I are in that position where it's all so foreign and we don't really know what to do and how to do it.
Life shouldn't be a constant routine. Living in your comfort zone and not wanting to try something new. What do you get out of life by doing that? Nothing. You need to go out and try things to find what you like and don't like. Taste that steak before you add salt. Travel somewhere you've never been to, in fact, just go out and get lost! Do something to spice up your life! Explore! Learn something new about yourself. Now go! Make me proud! While I sit here staring at walls contemplating how to write a song...
