I know, it's been a while since I posted something but life has been hectic because I had finals this week and I've been doing my best to study. Though my first few tests didn't turn out to good, I got better! Today, I was lucky enough to have passed my hardest final with a really good grade! since that moment I had a good day.
My original plan was to spend some time with some friends when school was out, but it didn't work out. Instead, I went out with my parents. We went to Costco and then Target. When I was in Target I was approached by a gentlemen who said he had moved to Cali from Colorado! Well, first, I've never been approached by anyone, and second, it was my first time talking to someone from Colorado. I know, "don't talk to strangers" but how am I going to make friends?
That's the problem nowadays. People are so comfortable with only a handful of people, but why restrict yourself? At the same time, this approach can be taken in a bad way, so precautions are necessary. Me, I've always been an odd person, and am open to friendly chatter. This man, though older than I was, was very nice and very approachable. Apparently so was I. I even looked mad, but this man had the courage to talk to me. I was more excited than scared which made the experience that much better.
He guessed my race, my age, and we just talked about people. People nowadays don't take the time to calm down. As he said, "People seem really rushed." It's true, most of them are, but what excuse do the others have? Given the right circumstance, it would be exciting to approach a stranger and get to know them even just for that day. I may never see this man again, but he's definitely opened my eyes to possibilities. Maybe we should live a little calmer and just experiment. My day was going well, and he made it that much better.
I'm a friendly person and I'm not usually mean, so when this man talked to me I didn't ignore him, or make an excuse to keep walking. Like those people who beg in front of a store for spare change and usually we just ignore them or say that you have no change, which may or may not be true. That's another thing that happened tonight, my mom gave me money to donate to a woman sitting in front of Target. It made me feel better and I'm sure it made that woman feel better.
Anyway, my point is, we need to stop being introverted and say that we are very outgoing because we're nothing near this man. This man, without any fear of rejection approached me. Maybe I can have that much courage. We should all have courage, because life is just too damn short to keep just to ourselves and close friends and family. Let's explore! My challenge: approach a stranger and try to get to know them. Who knows, maybe they'll be your new best friend!
Friday, December 21, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Do Over
One of my favorite things to do in my free time is read. I've read quite a few books. Whether it was for school or on my own. Most of the books I've read, I've actually enjoyed. The books I enjoy are usually either Murder Mysteries or typical teenage romance books. I'm a girl, what do you expect? It's been getting harder for me to buy books like I use to do, and on top of that, I have no time anymore. It's saddening.
Recently, I finished rereading a book for the third time. (Like most of the books I've read.) I enjoyed it again and it was always a book I enjoyed. A few weeks back I went to the movies with some friends and was caught off guard when I saw a banner announcing the release of a movie. My first thought was that I just had to watch it. Later, I went to Target and saw the new book cover. It was disappointing.
I didn't know any of the actors, which isn't a bad thing, I've always wanted to see a movie like that, but the characters just did not meet my expectations. I started to get nervous, but I told myself that I should give it a chance. Today my sister told me the trailer was out so I looked it up and watched it. Now I'm disappointed. This is the second time I've been disappointed by a movie based on a favorite book of mine. There are times where I just want to film my own version. It'll probably turn out the same as the real film. This time, it wont cost more than it should. All it takes is having connections. There's no fear in failing, just fear of losing what I haven't earned. Let's just say, I don't want any trouble with anyone when I know I can't afford it.
Testing it out may be better than sitting around complaining about it. There are times where there must be a better solution. Takes time to figure out what it was. Here's my challenge, not just for me, but for anyone adventurous enough: film something you want to make better. A book, a movie, a trailer anything! Make it the way you want it with the people you want. Who knows, maybe it will be the best thing that happened.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Birthdays
Today is my birthday. My birthday has never really felt like my birthday until today. Before it use to be such a small, family oriented kind of family. Today, it was still family oriented but it actually felt like it was about me. Since my birthday is pretty close to Christmas I don't expect too many gifts, and if I do it usually counts for my birthday and my Christmas. Today, I got a lot of presents. They were simple, but they were heartfelt and that's what I loved the most.
Usually, I try not to tell anyone it's my birthday, but sometimes I let it slip. Today, I felt very blessed and lucky. I got out of an oral exam for Spanish because of a lock down. I was sung to my two of my classes, and I got to spend the night stress free and happy.
If you caught that, yes, my school was put on lock down due to a suspicious man wandering nearby wearing camouflage pants, a white T-shirt, a bullet proof vest, and carrying a green duffle bag. This freaked out everybody due to the incident in Connecticut. I'll admit, I was pretty scared, but the fear subsided and so did the day because the man was caught no more than 8 minutes later.
My night consisted of video games and chatter. I got a lot of phone calls from my families in Colombia and Mexico, and even my godfather whom I haven't seen in years. My godmother came over with my godbrother, and my sponsor from my confirmation called me. It was a very nice night. I got to see my cousin, and hear from family. I spent the day with my boyfriend, and my parents got all the food I wanted. I felt quite special.
The fact that I had the chance to celebrate my birthday was exciting and when I can be able to say I spent time with family and got presents, makes me very grateful. I'm sure there are kids out there that wish they could forget their birthdays or don't get anything special like I did. It's something I've always gotten depressed over. It makes me grateful and bad. What I have, someone else wants, what they want they can't get, and when I ask for something, I usually get it. There are times in life where I just need time to sit down and appreciate what I have. And what I have is love, family, and material things that don't mean as much as the person who gave them to me. Today was a very good birthday and I thank everyone a part of it.
Usually, I try not to tell anyone it's my birthday, but sometimes I let it slip. Today, I felt very blessed and lucky. I got out of an oral exam for Spanish because of a lock down. I was sung to my two of my classes, and I got to spend the night stress free and happy.
If you caught that, yes, my school was put on lock down due to a suspicious man wandering nearby wearing camouflage pants, a white T-shirt, a bullet proof vest, and carrying a green duffle bag. This freaked out everybody due to the incident in Connecticut. I'll admit, I was pretty scared, but the fear subsided and so did the day because the man was caught no more than 8 minutes later.
My night consisted of video games and chatter. I got a lot of phone calls from my families in Colombia and Mexico, and even my godfather whom I haven't seen in years. My godmother came over with my godbrother, and my sponsor from my confirmation called me. It was a very nice night. I got to see my cousin, and hear from family. I spent the day with my boyfriend, and my parents got all the food I wanted. I felt quite special.
The fact that I had the chance to celebrate my birthday was exciting and when I can be able to say I spent time with family and got presents, makes me very grateful. I'm sure there are kids out there that wish they could forget their birthdays or don't get anything special like I did. It's something I've always gotten depressed over. It makes me grateful and bad. What I have, someone else wants, what they want they can't get, and when I ask for something, I usually get it. There are times in life where I just need time to sit down and appreciate what I have. And what I have is love, family, and material things that don't mean as much as the person who gave them to me. Today was a very good birthday and I thank everyone a part of it.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Retreat
It's so nice to be home, I get to be with family again and see my boyfriend again. I know it was only a few days but it's always a life changing experience. After going to all 3 retreats (October, November, December) I started to see myself as a leader. It hasn't settled completely, but it's there in the back of my mind. In fact, it's there with a bunch of other thoughts. As a leader I begin to think about so much more than what I'm going to say but also how will they react? What if they don't get it? What if it comes out wrong? There's so much more than speaking.
As a leader, my goal is to connect and teach. If I can get along with at least one person and know that they learned at least one thing then I'm proud, but if I can't seem to get through, it frustrates me. As a member of the youth group in my church, I'm the same age as a lot of the kids I'm trying to teach. This is a good thing but it's also a bad thing.
I'm 5' 0" tall and a lot of the kids I get are much taller than I am. I'm only a year older than they are. It's obvious that a small little girl trying to tell a big man to be quiet and follow directions is not something these kids want to respect. I get it, but I don't care if you don't care, but be respectful of those who do care and want to learn. When someone's talking, listen, or at least pretend, but all in all shut your mouth. When we're trying to do something silent like praying the rosary, don't be whispering to your friends about things that are unrelated, don't be whispering at all, pray, that's what you should be doing. Following directions.
When there's rules, follow them. Don't be thinking you can do whatever you want, you're our responsibility. If that's not enough to care then know that I care. Whether you give me attitude, whether you don't like me, whether you want nothing to do with me, I care about you and your well-being. I get it, I'm smaller and not intimidating at all, but all I ask for is respect. Not towards me, but towards others. If I tell you to be quiet and listen, it's also saying let others hear what's being said even if you don't care. If I say well that's what we were told to enforce means, try not to get us in trouble for your sake.
Give me a chance. All I want to do is show that I care, but if you frustrate me, my passions begins to diminish. We all lose. You lose the experience I want to give you and that lesson you could have learned, and I end up putting myself down as a leader and feeling useless to the max. Yes, I want to play and fool around and do what you want to do, but if there are things that need to get done, do them so you can get them over with. Don't stand there and complain longer than it would have taken you to do it in the first place. The only thing I ask is that you help me help you.
As a leader, my goal is to connect and teach. If I can get along with at least one person and know that they learned at least one thing then I'm proud, but if I can't seem to get through, it frustrates me. As a member of the youth group in my church, I'm the same age as a lot of the kids I'm trying to teach. This is a good thing but it's also a bad thing.
I'm 5' 0" tall and a lot of the kids I get are much taller than I am. I'm only a year older than they are. It's obvious that a small little girl trying to tell a big man to be quiet and follow directions is not something these kids want to respect. I get it, but I don't care if you don't care, but be respectful of those who do care and want to learn. When someone's talking, listen, or at least pretend, but all in all shut your mouth. When we're trying to do something silent like praying the rosary, don't be whispering to your friends about things that are unrelated, don't be whispering at all, pray, that's what you should be doing. Following directions.
When there's rules, follow them. Don't be thinking you can do whatever you want, you're our responsibility. If that's not enough to care then know that I care. Whether you give me attitude, whether you don't like me, whether you want nothing to do with me, I care about you and your well-being. I get it, I'm smaller and not intimidating at all, but all I ask for is respect. Not towards me, but towards others. If I tell you to be quiet and listen, it's also saying let others hear what's being said even if you don't care. If I say well that's what we were told to enforce means, try not to get us in trouble for your sake.
Give me a chance. All I want to do is show that I care, but if you frustrate me, my passions begins to diminish. We all lose. You lose the experience I want to give you and that lesson you could have learned, and I end up putting myself down as a leader and feeling useless to the max. Yes, I want to play and fool around and do what you want to do, but if there are things that need to get done, do them so you can get them over with. Don't stand there and complain longer than it would have taken you to do it in the first place. The only thing I ask is that you help me help you.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
On Hold
Tonight's blog post isn't much of a post. I simply want to warn everyone that for the next two to three days I will be on retreat. It's for my church. I am super excited as I always am and I'm looking forward to even more memories with my friends/family. There will be no posts for a few days but I will write as soon as I get back. I still have some homework to finish so I must hit the ground running.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Disappointment
I've been disappointed before, in myself, in my friends, in decisions, but I've never quite been disappointed in a family member. For the sake of anonymity I am not going to go into depth of the situation but more of the feeling. It's a heart wrenching feeling. Like being back stabbed. Like being pushed down to the ground and getting kicked when i was powerless.
I'm use to being put down, either by rumors or what people did to me, but this family member (let's call her Megan) use to do the same thing in a playful manner. She was practically my sister and we did as much as we could together. When I entered high school as a freshman, Megan was a senior. Of course I thought maybe she'd be my mentor. On the contrary, she was more of a temptress. Luring me into the dark side of high school. This was a very disappointing side of Megan I never wanted to see. It died of course, but to think that she was so close to me, meant to protect me almost, and she was trying to get me to make the wrong decisions in life.
Decisions, it's another thing I'm not very good at. I've had to failed relationships that were quite similar to each other yet different. However, the signs were exactly the same. More heart break and stupidity. Even with how I dressed or what I day affected me. At some point, it was like no matter what I did, good or bad, people were talking bad about me. It even followed me to high school. None of it was true, but it still hurt to know that my own peers were trying to sabotage me and disallow me from meeting people without them thinking I was a whore or "skank."
Even my closest friend succumbed to the crowd and left me in the dust forgetting I even existed or that we had already gone through so much together. Since then, I have not made another best friend that is a girl. Girls seem to just want to compete with each other. I'm not really interested in that. They are and in order to make themselves feel/look better they put me down. Okay, I'll take your hit, but I just wont show it off to the world. I'll keep inside and let it pain me. Burn me from the inside out, it's a consequence I'm willing to tolerate instead of falling into the same trap.
Clearly, I'm one to state my opinion. Good or bad, or even offensive. If I have something to say I will say it whether you like it or not. I've been told several different times to stop expressing myself, well, if you don't agree, don't talk to me, stop following, don't look at me, talk to me, or even think about me again. It's your choice. My decision is to tell the world my opinion same that everyone does at school by spreading rumors only I'm not purposely ruining anyone's reputation.
When I'm told a secret that is not what I expected or not a good thing, I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. Taken Megan for instance. When she first admitted to me that she did a lot of bad things (drugs, alcohol, sex) I was really disappointed, but she was practically my sister so that disappointment grew to concern. Luckily she changed or I would have lost it if something bad had happened to her. Now, I feel like I don't know anything about her. Megan fell off my radar, yet she's coming back and I don't know how to handle it. Anytime I see an old photo I'm hurt at the thought that she left me in the first place. We had so many memories together and it felt like she threw it all away. Does she expect to come back to open arms? Sorry, you're going to have to tickle me in order to get a hug because I am not in any mood to be trifled with.
Everyday she's gone, she put farther into the darkness. Every time she's mentioned, I'm annoyed. Anytime I miss her, I'm disappointed. I don't expect disappointment to disappear but I hope it dies down a bit. Too much disappointed could lead me into darkness and I don't know if I'm strong enough for that. Give me strength.
I'm use to being put down, either by rumors or what people did to me, but this family member (let's call her Megan) use to do the same thing in a playful manner. She was practically my sister and we did as much as we could together. When I entered high school as a freshman, Megan was a senior. Of course I thought maybe she'd be my mentor. On the contrary, she was more of a temptress. Luring me into the dark side of high school. This was a very disappointing side of Megan I never wanted to see. It died of course, but to think that she was so close to me, meant to protect me almost, and she was trying to get me to make the wrong decisions in life.
Decisions, it's another thing I'm not very good at. I've had to failed relationships that were quite similar to each other yet different. However, the signs were exactly the same. More heart break and stupidity. Even with how I dressed or what I day affected me. At some point, it was like no matter what I did, good or bad, people were talking bad about me. It even followed me to high school. None of it was true, but it still hurt to know that my own peers were trying to sabotage me and disallow me from meeting people without them thinking I was a whore or "skank."
Even my closest friend succumbed to the crowd and left me in the dust forgetting I even existed or that we had already gone through so much together. Since then, I have not made another best friend that is a girl. Girls seem to just want to compete with each other. I'm not really interested in that. They are and in order to make themselves feel/look better they put me down. Okay, I'll take your hit, but I just wont show it off to the world. I'll keep inside and let it pain me. Burn me from the inside out, it's a consequence I'm willing to tolerate instead of falling into the same trap.
Clearly, I'm one to state my opinion. Good or bad, or even offensive. If I have something to say I will say it whether you like it or not. I've been told several different times to stop expressing myself, well, if you don't agree, don't talk to me, stop following, don't look at me, talk to me, or even think about me again. It's your choice. My decision is to tell the world my opinion same that everyone does at school by spreading rumors only I'm not purposely ruining anyone's reputation.
When I'm told a secret that is not what I expected or not a good thing, I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. Taken Megan for instance. When she first admitted to me that she did a lot of bad things (drugs, alcohol, sex) I was really disappointed, but she was practically my sister so that disappointment grew to concern. Luckily she changed or I would have lost it if something bad had happened to her. Now, I feel like I don't know anything about her. Megan fell off my radar, yet she's coming back and I don't know how to handle it. Anytime I see an old photo I'm hurt at the thought that she left me in the first place. We had so many memories together and it felt like she threw it all away. Does she expect to come back to open arms? Sorry, you're going to have to tickle me in order to get a hug because I am not in any mood to be trifled with.
Everyday she's gone, she put farther into the darkness. Every time she's mentioned, I'm annoyed. Anytime I miss her, I'm disappointed. I don't expect disappointment to disappear but I hope it dies down a bit. Too much disappointed could lead me into darkness and I don't know if I'm strong enough for that. Give me strength.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Shut up...
If I had a choice on how I live and how everyone would live I’d
choose to live in a time where practically nothing existed. Where we would have
to create our own instruments and force ourselves to survive. Maybe then will
people begin to realize how valuable life truly is.
It was brought to my attention that people just don’t care
about each other. There are racists and prejudices and people, who I believe,
don’t deserve to even be called a human being. As I said on my last blog post, I
think we should all begin to realize that we are all human beings. Whether we are black, brown, "Yellow," we were all put on this world together and I highly doubt it was to kill each other.
Another thing, a bit off topic, but I get it... a lot of people blame Obama. "He aint doing shit." Okay well, if you were president what would you do? I am not saying I agree with everything Obama does, but I'm NEVER going to agree 100% with someone... EVER. There's no reason for you to be talking smack because I highly doubt you'd do a better job.
Oh, we're not helping our supposed "brothers" when they want to go to war for a stupid reason? I'm sorry, I guess we should since you said so. Oh, you think that no "terrorist" or anyone of "their kind" should come into America? I'm sorry, I thought this was the free nation you signed up for nativist.
News flash, not everything is going to go the way you want it. I'm sorry there are people willing to fight for our country and others that just want the benefit. There's nothing anyone can do about that either. It's not like Obama is going to go down to the enlisting and ask every soldier why they are there, just because you don't want them there, Obama is too busy running this stupid country. Yes, stupid, if we had left life the way it was and stopped growing when the Great Depression hit well maybe we would have learned something and prevented something else. Just because things aren't going the way you want it do doesn't mean everything will change for you. I'm positive there are people out there that don't agree with what you think and will try fighting you. Well, there you go, another senseless war just waiting to happen.
Not everyone will agree on anything like the fact that there are terrorists or immigrants but don't talk to me about trying to keep people out just because of where they come from. If they want to learn to fly a plane to kill themselves and others, well, kudoos to you. Me, I want to stay out of other people's business. There's no point.
Let's start over and make sure we don't end up the way we are. Stupid and racist. That's what we all are, even me. However, I don't treat people different because of where they come from, what they do, who they praise, why they do anything in life, I treat them the way I want to be treated. I don't want to be marked a Mexican who is likely to get pregnant at 16 and drop out of school. I want to be marked Damaris Chavez, the girl who tries in school and is Catholic and forgiving and is kind to everyone even the people she despises. If I am remembered I want to be remembered as that and not some "alien." I'm learning here, and they are learning there. Who cares?
Monday, December 10, 2012
"People die everyday"
It's a bit late, and I'm a bit anxious to get to bed, but there's a situation that has been bugging me for years now that became known to me, more clearly, how much more it bugged me. Jenni Rivera, an apparently very famous Mexican singer, died recently in an airplane accident. Turns out the plane she was on exploded. It's a big deal.
An old friend of my sister (let's call him Franky) put on his Facebook page that a soldier also died in the war and that he is more concerned about that death and not the death of Jenni. His friends disagreed and were angered at how unsympathetic he was being, but Franky fought back saying that he didn't say he didn't care at all about Jenni's death, he only said he was more interested in the death of a soldier.
This has always annoyed me. Celebrities get so much more attention than anyone else. As it is said, "people die everyday" but are they acknowledged? Not always. Celebrities, however, get a massive funeral and everybody cries for them, great, but I'm more concerned about what Franky is concerned about and that is the soldiers that are fighting for our benefit, for our freedom, and to protect us. Theses people are never to be acknowledged except by their families and friends. It's not broadcasted, it's not all over the news. It's not talked about for weeks or even months.
Celebrities are a bigger deal, apparently, but I really don't care what they ate, what they wore, or even if they overdosed. That's their problem and I don't want to hear about it. I'd rather hear how this brave soldier who fought for my freedom and for our country. I'd rather hear about the pilot and what he experienced when that plane was about to explode. I want to know how his family will take and how the other passengers' families will take it. I can care less if Jenni Rivera was on that plane. I'd rather get to know someone I never knew before like that girl who died in my school. She was only 17, but does anyone care? Not really. They're more concerned if Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are ever going to get back together, or if this new relationship Taylor Swift is in will last or become yet another song. I want to hear about every single breast cancer fighter. I want to know about kids with leukemia.
Celebrities were just people that are made known to a bigger audience. Why can't we make everyone a celebrity and care about everyone! Please, pray for that soldier and his family, and yes, pray for Jenni Rivera and her family, but most importantly, pray for the families that suffer a tragedy everyday. Those are the most important deaths in the world: the ones that are unknown to us.
An old friend of my sister (let's call him Franky) put on his Facebook page that a soldier also died in the war and that he is more concerned about that death and not the death of Jenni. His friends disagreed and were angered at how unsympathetic he was being, but Franky fought back saying that he didn't say he didn't care at all about Jenni's death, he only said he was more interested in the death of a soldier.
This has always annoyed me. Celebrities get so much more attention than anyone else. As it is said, "people die everyday" but are they acknowledged? Not always. Celebrities, however, get a massive funeral and everybody cries for them, great, but I'm more concerned about what Franky is concerned about and that is the soldiers that are fighting for our benefit, for our freedom, and to protect us. Theses people are never to be acknowledged except by their families and friends. It's not broadcasted, it's not all over the news. It's not talked about for weeks or even months.
Celebrities are a bigger deal, apparently, but I really don't care what they ate, what they wore, or even if they overdosed. That's their problem and I don't want to hear about it. I'd rather hear how this brave soldier who fought for my freedom and for our country. I'd rather hear about the pilot and what he experienced when that plane was about to explode. I want to know how his family will take and how the other passengers' families will take it. I can care less if Jenni Rivera was on that plane. I'd rather get to know someone I never knew before like that girl who died in my school. She was only 17, but does anyone care? Not really. They're more concerned if Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are ever going to get back together, or if this new relationship Taylor Swift is in will last or become yet another song. I want to hear about every single breast cancer fighter. I want to know about kids with leukemia.
Celebrities were just people that are made known to a bigger audience. Why can't we make everyone a celebrity and care about everyone! Please, pray for that soldier and his family, and yes, pray for Jenni Rivera and her family, but most importantly, pray for the families that suffer a tragedy everyday. Those are the most important deaths in the world: the ones that are unknown to us.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Mommy
I've been feeling sick this weekend. It's not something I ever enjoy. I hate missing school, and I hate feeling sick. However, this post isn't about how sick I feel, but because I've been sick I've been watching a lot of TV. One series I've been intently watching a lot is something called Snapped where there are murder cases that are solved but they take you through the process. Mostly, wives taking the lives of their husbands.
The last episode I sat down to watch was this woman who got married, and had to daughter, but her husband died of a "heart attack." They did no autopsy. Later, this woman got remarried. This husband also died but this time it was a supposed "suicide." It was a curious case so they dug deeper into it.
The detectives discovered her second husband had been poisoned but not because he attempted to take his life. They also dug up her first husband and discovered he too was poisoned by the same substance as the second husband. As they began piecing everything, this woman took her eldest daughter and the two were drinking together when 911 was called. The woman claimed her daughter had overdosed.
Along with the girl was a "suicide note" admitting to killing her father and her step father. However, the daughter awoke in the hospital not remembering ever trying to take her own life, but remembering drinking with her mother and telling her she thought the beverage tasted funky. Later, it was discovered this woman poisoned her first and second husband and tried to kill her daughter and blaming her for the poisoning.
Of course the woman was found guilty, yet, she still says she's innocent, but the reason this murder stood out to me is the fact that this woman has no sense of love at all. She would stoop to the level of killing her own daughter! Her own blood! She'd kill her daughter and frame her!
I sit in bed, feeling sick, feeling like I'm going to throw up at any second, but my mother comes into my room as frequently as she can to take care of me. To help me heal faster. She feeds me, she lays with me, she checks up on me, but never, NEVER, would she attempt to murder me. The world we live in is cruel and filled with senseless killing. But framing a daughter for one's mistake is just too low.
I look at my mother and see such a strong person. Someone smart and patient. Of course there are days where I want to eat her head off, but that's what happens. My mom has been working longer than I've been alive. She struggles with a lot of physical and emotional pain. At one point, she held up the entire family because my dad was unemployed. I also know, my mom will never leave my sister and I, she would never blame us for anything, and she will, without a doubt, defend us in anything. She's my super mom and she deserves a lot more credit than I am giving her. If only I could get her on the Ellen Degeneres show... that would maybe come close to awarding her with something. But nothing will ever be enough to even out how much she's been there for me. My mom is an amazing woman.
The last episode I sat down to watch was this woman who got married, and had to daughter, but her husband died of a "heart attack." They did no autopsy. Later, this woman got remarried. This husband also died but this time it was a supposed "suicide." It was a curious case so they dug deeper into it.
The detectives discovered her second husband had been poisoned but not because he attempted to take his life. They also dug up her first husband and discovered he too was poisoned by the same substance as the second husband. As they began piecing everything, this woman took her eldest daughter and the two were drinking together when 911 was called. The woman claimed her daughter had overdosed.
Along with the girl was a "suicide note" admitting to killing her father and her step father. However, the daughter awoke in the hospital not remembering ever trying to take her own life, but remembering drinking with her mother and telling her she thought the beverage tasted funky. Later, it was discovered this woman poisoned her first and second husband and tried to kill her daughter and blaming her for the poisoning.
Of course the woman was found guilty, yet, she still says she's innocent, but the reason this murder stood out to me is the fact that this woman has no sense of love at all. She would stoop to the level of killing her own daughter! Her own blood! She'd kill her daughter and frame her!
I sit in bed, feeling sick, feeling like I'm going to throw up at any second, but my mother comes into my room as frequently as she can to take care of me. To help me heal faster. She feeds me, she lays with me, she checks up on me, but never, NEVER, would she attempt to murder me. The world we live in is cruel and filled with senseless killing. But framing a daughter for one's mistake is just too low.
I look at my mother and see such a strong person. Someone smart and patient. Of course there are days where I want to eat her head off, but that's what happens. My mom has been working longer than I've been alive. She struggles with a lot of physical and emotional pain. At one point, she held up the entire family because my dad was unemployed. I also know, my mom will never leave my sister and I, she would never blame us for anything, and she will, without a doubt, defend us in anything. She's my super mom and she deserves a lot more credit than I am giving her. If only I could get her on the Ellen Degeneres show... that would maybe come close to awarding her with something. But nothing will ever be enough to even out how much she's been there for me. My mom is an amazing woman.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Secrets
A lot of people expect honesty from each other, especially in relationships, but what's the point of asking for honesty if you know you can't handle the truth? I personally like hearing people speak the truth it's usually entertaining and, well, true. I'd rather someone tell me I look terrible today than saying I look good and I walk around the rest of the day thinking that I do indeed look good.
However, there are times when I don't care what someone tells me, so I'll do what I want anyway. Anyway, when I hear honesty I also think of secrets. Secrets are something that everyone has. I have secrets, my boyfriend has secrets, my parents have secrets, teachers, neighbors, friends, strangers, we all have secrets. It's just something we keep because we're afraid of judgment, afraid of pain. I'll admit, I'd prefer to keep some secrets to prevent others from feeling pain or because I'm afraid of what someone will think.
When we have crushes we keep it a secret, or we keep the secret between you and a best friend. At that point it's a shared secret and we all have plenty of those as well. It's somewhat relieving when you tell a friend. Now you're not the only one who has to carry this burden or this embarrassment. I'm beginning to realize that there are sometimes too many secrets. Those secrets are the ones that ruin lives.
Cheating on each other in relationships or in marriage. Being homosexual. Being suicidal. Having some sort of illness. These secrets can burn the inside of a person. Finally revealing these secrets, on the other hand, are much harder than keeping them. How will my family look at me the same? what will happen to my relationship? Is there a point in telling anyone? These questions prevent us from speaking out our pain, our burden.
Here's the thing, no matter how bad, no matter how depressing, no matter how humiliating, it's better to tell someone what's going through your head rather than keeping it in. Express your emotions and don't keep them to yourself. You'll realize it's a lot better than dying little by little. I challenge you to be honest this whole week. If you get slapped well, they just can't handle the truth. If you lose friends, well, I guess they weren't really your friends. And you, make sure you can handle it because that will make you stronger than anyone else.
However, there are times when I don't care what someone tells me, so I'll do what I want anyway. Anyway, when I hear honesty I also think of secrets. Secrets are something that everyone has. I have secrets, my boyfriend has secrets, my parents have secrets, teachers, neighbors, friends, strangers, we all have secrets. It's just something we keep because we're afraid of judgment, afraid of pain. I'll admit, I'd prefer to keep some secrets to prevent others from feeling pain or because I'm afraid of what someone will think.
When we have crushes we keep it a secret, or we keep the secret between you and a best friend. At that point it's a shared secret and we all have plenty of those as well. It's somewhat relieving when you tell a friend. Now you're not the only one who has to carry this burden or this embarrassment. I'm beginning to realize that there are sometimes too many secrets. Those secrets are the ones that ruin lives.
Cheating on each other in relationships or in marriage. Being homosexual. Being suicidal. Having some sort of illness. These secrets can burn the inside of a person. Finally revealing these secrets, on the other hand, are much harder than keeping them. How will my family look at me the same? what will happen to my relationship? Is there a point in telling anyone? These questions prevent us from speaking out our pain, our burden.
Here's the thing, no matter how bad, no matter how depressing, no matter how humiliating, it's better to tell someone what's going through your head rather than keeping it in. Express your emotions and don't keep them to yourself. You'll realize it's a lot better than dying little by little. I challenge you to be honest this whole week. If you get slapped well, they just can't handle the truth. If you lose friends, well, I guess they weren't really your friends. And you, make sure you can handle it because that will make you stronger than anyone else.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Remembering Pearl Harbor
Seventy-one years ago to the day Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japanese air force. So many lives were lost. It was such a huge tragedy and I never realized how extreme the situation was, until now... I've always avoided watching the movie, but today, marking the day, and considering I had been sick most of the day, I decided to finally watch the movie with my dad. Well, I don't regret it. It's made me think a lot though.
December 7, 1941 Pearl Harbor was brutally attacked by Japanese. Thousands upon thousands were killed that day. September 11, 2001 the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and Flight 93 crashed and burned. Thousands upon thousands were killed that day. A 71 year difference and yet the outcome was still the same: Revenge and more killing.
I understand that the United States needed to stand up for itself and prove that it's bigger than any other country, but I see know reward when death is involved.
Here comes the teenager side of me: history teachers, for years, say that we must learn our American history so that we prevent making the same mistake. Well, what's the point of learning if we're going to end up making that mistake anyway?
It's like a parent, telling their child to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and sex, but because they prevent them the children try it anyway. It's hard to take anything seriously from our history because, knowing America, we'd end up doing it again. Whether it's in war, or elections, America is still making the same mistakes.
There's too much death... too much war... too much stupidity in the world it's driving me crazy. It irritates me to watch repeated mistakes continue to take lives. I have said this several times already and I will continue to say it: Life is too precious. I don't care if the excuse is that they're Japanese or Muslim, we all live on this Earth and we should acknowledge that fact. Think me insensitive or narrow-minded, but I already made it clear that this is simply my opinion and I am not telling anyone to believe what I believe. This is my first amendment opinion. Here's my next challenge: let's have a moment of silence at any moment we can and acknowledge all the deaths in the world whether it was our side or the "enemy's." I believe in cherishing life, don't take that away.
December 7, 1941 Pearl Harbor was brutally attacked by Japanese. Thousands upon thousands were killed that day. September 11, 2001 the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and Flight 93 crashed and burned. Thousands upon thousands were killed that day. A 71 year difference and yet the outcome was still the same: Revenge and more killing.
I understand that the United States needed to stand up for itself and prove that it's bigger than any other country, but I see know reward when death is involved.
Here comes the teenager side of me: history teachers, for years, say that we must learn our American history so that we prevent making the same mistake. Well, what's the point of learning if we're going to end up making that mistake anyway?
It's like a parent, telling their child to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and sex, but because they prevent them the children try it anyway. It's hard to take anything seriously from our history because, knowing America, we'd end up doing it again. Whether it's in war, or elections, America is still making the same mistakes.
There's too much death... too much war... too much stupidity in the world it's driving me crazy. It irritates me to watch repeated mistakes continue to take lives. I have said this several times already and I will continue to say it: Life is too precious. I don't care if the excuse is that they're Japanese or Muslim, we all live on this Earth and we should acknowledge that fact. Think me insensitive or narrow-minded, but I already made it clear that this is simply my opinion and I am not telling anyone to believe what I believe. This is my first amendment opinion. Here's my next challenge: let's have a moment of silence at any moment we can and acknowledge all the deaths in the world whether it was our side or the "enemy's." I believe in cherishing life, don't take that away.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Family
Today was an odd day, but it made me realize something: Family is very important to anyone's life.
I spent the afternoon with my boyfriend and his mom and his brother. The experience, let's just say, was interesting. They're not a family I'm use to. My family is super close and inseparable unless there's a disagreement, but even then, we get along very well. Normally I'm with my parents or sister, we get along that well.
My boyfriend's family is quite different. I'm not going to get into details on how they are different, but I will say that they made me think about family and how much that contributes with everything else.
With mannerisms and opinions, parents are shown through their kids. Kids come along everyday saying that they're Democrat because their parents are, or they're Catholic because their parents are Catholics. It's interesting to identify who a kid belongs to but it's also disappointing to find kids who lack parents, support, or love.
Ask around, you'll find at least one person that got to where they are on their own with their own determination and motivation. You will also find a person that gave up because they had no support at home. "I get bad grades because I have no one to sit down and help me at home," or "My parents are never home to help me." It's sad to find out that these individuals didn't have what I have.
Support... That's all they yearn for. Someone to sit down with them and explain, in simpler words, how to figure out a word problem or help them with a project. Someone that will show up to any of your little league games, soccer games, football games, etc. Someone to scream your name from the sidelines and agitate the Hell out of you. That's what every kid wants whether they know it or not. It's human nature to yearn for that support, or even that love.
Love. It's a feeling that is normally earned through each other, but with family, it's given to you even if you hate each other. (There's always going to be likes and dislikes within family.) When we experience a loss of a loved one, you realize just how much you cared. Even when you don't get to see someone very often, it makes you think about that love. Love is special to anyone and everyone. Never forget to spread love because it's something everyone wants.
As I look around me I realize how grateful I am to have such an amazing family. My family is what helped me get through all those tough times, those achievements, and even all the heartbreaks and tears. I'm a fragile girl, when that time comes I cry all too much. Anyway, I'm going to give you a challenge: Sit down and think about your family. Think about what they've done for you, what they haven't done for you. If you miss them, or yearn to see them, do so, and tell them how much you appreciate them. If not, then replace your family with your friends and do the same.
Fulfill this challenge and realize the truth of what your family has given you.
I spent the afternoon with my boyfriend and his mom and his brother. The experience, let's just say, was interesting. They're not a family I'm use to. My family is super close and inseparable unless there's a disagreement, but even then, we get along very well. Normally I'm with my parents or sister, we get along that well.
My boyfriend's family is quite different. I'm not going to get into details on how they are different, but I will say that they made me think about family and how much that contributes with everything else.
With mannerisms and opinions, parents are shown through their kids. Kids come along everyday saying that they're Democrat because their parents are, or they're Catholic because their parents are Catholics. It's interesting to identify who a kid belongs to but it's also disappointing to find kids who lack parents, support, or love.
Ask around, you'll find at least one person that got to where they are on their own with their own determination and motivation. You will also find a person that gave up because they had no support at home. "I get bad grades because I have no one to sit down and help me at home," or "My parents are never home to help me." It's sad to find out that these individuals didn't have what I have.
Support... That's all they yearn for. Someone to sit down with them and explain, in simpler words, how to figure out a word problem or help them with a project. Someone that will show up to any of your little league games, soccer games, football games, etc. Someone to scream your name from the sidelines and agitate the Hell out of you. That's what every kid wants whether they know it or not. It's human nature to yearn for that support, or even that love.
Love. It's a feeling that is normally earned through each other, but with family, it's given to you even if you hate each other. (There's always going to be likes and dislikes within family.) When we experience a loss of a loved one, you realize just how much you cared. Even when you don't get to see someone very often, it makes you think about that love. Love is special to anyone and everyone. Never forget to spread love because it's something everyone wants.
As I look around me I realize how grateful I am to have such an amazing family. My family is what helped me get through all those tough times, those achievements, and even all the heartbreaks and tears. I'm a fragile girl, when that time comes I cry all too much. Anyway, I'm going to give you a challenge: Sit down and think about your family. Think about what they've done for you, what they haven't done for you. If you miss them, or yearn to see them, do so, and tell them how much you appreciate them. If not, then replace your family with your friends and do the same.
Fulfill this challenge and realize the truth of what your family has given you.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Delicate Situations
It's been brought to my attention by a good friend that life is tough and there are going to be times where you can't help everyone. I've bumped into a few situations myself, and I'm sure many others have gone through it as well.
There is a high percentage of suicides. Mostly, adolescent suicides. Growing up I never thought I'd be friends with suicidal people. Well, I was, and it is a traumatizing moment in my life. I was the same age as them, how would I know what to do? I didn't see any sense in going to an adult because that means breaking my friends' trust in me to keep a secret. It killed me a little more inside every time they'd slash at their skin or threatened to take their lives.
I'd rather not indulge into the subject because it still pains me to think about it. Long story short, I decided not to interact with these "friends" any longer. They hurt me once, I chose to disallow them from hurting me twice.
This was just an adolescent attempt at suicide (or most likely attention), but what about adult suicides? There have been a lot of different stories where adults feel the need to kill themselves and their children in order to prevent anymore downfall. It's a hard time, I truly understand that, but taking the lives of your kids and the yourself? That I find highly immature. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." Desperate measures not taking lives. Lives, as I have stated in a prior post, is too valuable and too delicate.
My friend (let's call him Bobby) had a friend (let that settle in) and Bobby tells me that his friend's parent chose to take his life leaving this friend behind. This friend is our age, I don't know what to do and neither does Bobby. This is a fragile topic and a delicate situation that I cannot unscramble. Given the chance, I would take Bobby's friend into my life in a heartbeat, but I don't know how to take it. How do I handle this situation?
Keep in mind, I'm not the most experienced. I guess all there's left to do is pray.
There is a high percentage of suicides. Mostly, adolescent suicides. Growing up I never thought I'd be friends with suicidal people. Well, I was, and it is a traumatizing moment in my life. I was the same age as them, how would I know what to do? I didn't see any sense in going to an adult because that means breaking my friends' trust in me to keep a secret. It killed me a little more inside every time they'd slash at their skin or threatened to take their lives.
I'd rather not indulge into the subject because it still pains me to think about it. Long story short, I decided not to interact with these "friends" any longer. They hurt me once, I chose to disallow them from hurting me twice.
This was just an adolescent attempt at suicide (or most likely attention), but what about adult suicides? There have been a lot of different stories where adults feel the need to kill themselves and their children in order to prevent anymore downfall. It's a hard time, I truly understand that, but taking the lives of your kids and the yourself? That I find highly immature. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." Desperate measures not taking lives. Lives, as I have stated in a prior post, is too valuable and too delicate.
My friend (let's call him Bobby) had a friend (let that settle in) and Bobby tells me that his friend's parent chose to take his life leaving this friend behind. This friend is our age, I don't know what to do and neither does Bobby. This is a fragile topic and a delicate situation that I cannot unscramble. Given the chance, I would take Bobby's friend into my life in a heartbeat, but I don't know how to take it. How do I handle this situation?
Keep in mind, I'm not the most experienced. I guess all there's left to do is pray.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Coming home after a long day is rejuvenating! The day was calm, and honestly, I just wanted it to end. However, the day turned because I got to open this blog and also spend time with amazing friends at church. My friends at church, well, they're more like family to me.
We're so close, and sometimes a bit too comfortable (if you know what I mean). At times when I fell low I know these guys would bring me up. This family has brought nothing but good memories and adventures. I'd really like to acknowledge them for what they've done for me.
They've brought me closer to God in a way that I never regret ever going. They're such great people and I pray that I know them forever!
We're so close, and sometimes a bit too comfortable (if you know what I mean). At times when I fell low I know these guys would bring me up. This family has brought nothing but good memories and adventures. I'd really like to acknowledge them for what they've done for me.
They've brought me closer to God in a way that I never regret ever going. They're such great people and I pray that I know them forever!
Life itself
My name is Damaris Chavez. I've been in a relationship for more than a year now. I consider myself in love, but that's something to be debated over with my parents. After this period of being with my boyfriend I've formed a bubble where I tend not to think about a lot of random things anymore. In my AP Rhetoric class we've been learning about Transcendentalism. Transcendentalism, I'm not going to lie, is very confusing, but what I learned something recently: I must cherish life. I'm very involved with church (I'm Catholic) and so I refer to God a lot.
All these factors I just stated have been involved with my first blog post: Life is too short to neglect any longer.
I have not been on earth for very long, and neither had a peer of mine. Someone passed away that attended the same school as me. She was 17. I didn't know her personally but when everything began to happen it caught me off guard and as quickly as it was reported, she was gone. Just like that.
Her boyfriend sat at her bedside everyday. Her family made many facebook posts and twitter posts. Everyone in the school was updated. Since I have been in a relationship "What if" never really occurred to me. However, after this incident, "what if"s kept flying into my mind and made my heart ache. Such a loss can never be replaced. I am only left to imagine how it does feel.
Ironically, in my AP Rhet class we began reading excerpts from different Transcendentalists and one was about a blade of grass. I know, a blade of grass means nothing, it's just something that grows and dies. That's what I thought, but then I really began to think. What about that blade of grass is so important? What does that have to do with me?
Turns out, that blade of grass is very similar to life itself. Life is neglected, it's something no one truly considers a gift until there is a tragedy. Whether it was a loss of a loved one, a near death experience, or even witnessing a death. Grass grows from the ground, it dies eventually, but then another blade of grass replaces that blade.
Now think about life. Life is about living and dying. It's up to us to live the in between. Life is shorter than I expected, but I know now that there's no preventing the end... I wish there was a way to know, but God has the answer, to me at least. Last night, as i volunteered at the church, the whole night was about this peer of mine. It was hard for me to sit through because I'm very sensitive and I don't know how to react to these situations.
Long story short, I'm left with one question about this death. Was it Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows!
All these factors I just stated have been involved with my first blog post: Life is too short to neglect any longer.
I have not been on earth for very long, and neither had a peer of mine. Someone passed away that attended the same school as me. She was 17. I didn't know her personally but when everything began to happen it caught me off guard and as quickly as it was reported, she was gone. Just like that.
Her boyfriend sat at her bedside everyday. Her family made many facebook posts and twitter posts. Everyone in the school was updated. Since I have been in a relationship "What if" never really occurred to me. However, after this incident, "what if"s kept flying into my mind and made my heart ache. Such a loss can never be replaced. I am only left to imagine how it does feel.
Ironically, in my AP Rhet class we began reading excerpts from different Transcendentalists and one was about a blade of grass. I know, a blade of grass means nothing, it's just something that grows and dies. That's what I thought, but then I really began to think. What about that blade of grass is so important? What does that have to do with me?
Turns out, that blade of grass is very similar to life itself. Life is neglected, it's something no one truly considers a gift until there is a tragedy. Whether it was a loss of a loved one, a near death experience, or even witnessing a death. Grass grows from the ground, it dies eventually, but then another blade of grass replaces that blade.
Now think about life. Life is about living and dying. It's up to us to live the in between. Life is shorter than I expected, but I know now that there's no preventing the end... I wish there was a way to know, but God has the answer, to me at least. Last night, as i volunteered at the church, the whole night was about this peer of mine. It was hard for me to sit through because I'm very sensitive and I don't know how to react to these situations.
Long story short, I'm left with one question about this death. Was it Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows!
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