Retreat

It's so nice to be home, I get to be with family again and see my boyfriend again. I know it was only a few days but it's always a life changing experience. After going to all 3 retreats (October, November, December) I started to see myself as a leader. It hasn't settled completely, but it's there in the back of my mind. In fact, it's there with a bunch of other thoughts. As a leader I begin to think about so much more than what I'm going to say but also how will they react? What if they don't get it? What if it comes out wrong? There's so much more than speaking.
As a leader, my goal is to connect and teach. If I can get along with at least one person and know that they learned at least one thing then I'm proud, but if I can't seem to get through, it frustrates me. As a member of the youth group in my church, I'm the same age as a lot of the kids I'm trying to teach. This is a good thing but it's also a bad thing.
I'm 5' 0" tall and a lot of the kids I get are much taller than I am. I'm only a year older than they are. It's obvious that a small little girl trying to tell a big man to be quiet and follow directions is not something these kids want to respect. I get it, but I don't care if you don't care, but be respectful of those who do care and want to learn. When someone's talking, listen, or at least pretend, but all in all shut your mouth. When we're trying to do something silent like praying the rosary, don't be whispering to your friends about things that are unrelated, don't be whispering at all, pray, that's what you should be doing. Following directions.
When there's rules, follow them. Don't be thinking you can do whatever you want, you're our responsibility. If that's not enough to care then know that I care. Whether you give me attitude, whether you don't like me, whether you want nothing to do with me, I care about you and your well-being. I get it, I'm smaller and not intimidating at all, but all I ask for is respect. Not towards me, but towards others. If I tell you to be quiet and listen, it's also saying let others hear what's being said even if you don't care. If I say well that's what we were told to enforce means, try not to get us in trouble for your sake.
Give me a chance. All I want to do is show that I care, but if you frustrate me, my passions begins to diminish. We all lose. You lose the experience I want to give you and that lesson you could have learned, and I end up putting myself down as a leader and feeling useless to the max. Yes, I want to play and fool around and do what you want to do, but if there are things that need to get done, do them so you can get them over with. Don't stand there and complain longer than it would have taken you to do it in the first place. The only thing I ask is that you help me help you.