What is love?

There are too many voices in my head. They´re all speaking at once. I don´t know which is my voice, what do I think? Why do I even ask for help when I continue to ignore what people tell me? I never learn my lesson.
Despite what my boyfriend has told me I will continue to write whatever I please because it´s to whomever reads my blog that I am speaking to whether they know me personally or not. I´ve had plenty of time to think as I have mentioned several times, but today I finally prove to myself that I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I am no longer weak. I will no longer succumb. I will stand my ground and no one can deny me my words.
My emotions get the better of me, I do admit, but at least my arguments tend to make sense. What I say should matter and if it doesn´t then why do you bother reading what I have to say? That´s why when I started this blog I warned that not everyone will agree with what I have to say, but I guess a lot of people appreciate me more than I thought; unlike some people. I love. I do. I love my boyfriend and sometimes I do not understand why.
Why has our relationship lasted? I´d say it´s me, but I could be wrong. It´s this idiotic thing called love. That evil sensation that taked over your body, mind, and soul and controls you until the moment you´re crushed, broken, torn apart. The pain that follows a heartbreak is more painful than anything, but the pain you feel knowing you´re breaking but cannot deny your love and want to continue on is the worst kind of pain. The pain of not wanting to let go. To move on. Fear that maybe you may never feel again, love the way you did once. Know what it is to feel love in return.
Loneliness. Being alone and feeling that maybe you may never find the right person to take you in their arms and completely let you in. Not having someone to spend every moment of your life with. Seeing their face and feeling your heart skip a beat. Thinking of them all the time you disgust yourself at the uncomfortable moments they pop into your head.
Always wanting to talk to them, see them, just be with them. The excitment of doing things with them, going out and cherishing each other´s presence. Being able to talk to them and know you´re not being judged, that they love you wholeheartedly and accept everything about you. Enjoying each other´s company and feeling like they´re your best friend. However, sometimes you don´t get all of that. You´re let down. Disappointed. Lonely even when you´re with that person. When you no longer feel your heart skip a beat, why are you still with that person?
And yet, there are those times where your heart is the only heart skipping a beat. The only one yearning for the other person, wanting to see them, touch them, be with them. You´re the only one searching, begging, and squeezing as much as you can from the other person. That´s when you´re the only one feeling love and not receiving it in return. That´s when you beging to think that maybe you will forever be the only one feeling this way and it kills you to know that this is not everything you pictured. You need more.
It´s time, to move on. I´m still stuck. I don´t know where I am. What do I feel? I know I feel love but how do I really know that I´m being loved back. To truly see love you sometimes literally have to see it. When the other person looks you in the eye with that smile on your face that makes you blush. When you feel them looking at you but you´re too shy to make eye contact. And maybe they can´t afford much, especially in this economy, they still make an effort to make you smile. To make you things, write you things, do whatever pleases you.
That they don´t care about what people think or say about you two. They treat you the same no matter where you are or who you´re with. That they make sure to spend as much time with you as they can and making those moments specail. Even if it´s the littlest things like knocking on your door in the morning for no apparent reason, just to see you; to see your face, your smile, to be with you and only you. Their full attention on you, on what you have to say, on what you´re going to do next. Not to the point where they´re creepy and stalking you but just enough to make you feel like they care.
The way they reach for your hand and not let go despite how sweaty they are. The way they yearn to kiss you and kiss you right, not just sexually. To be sweet with you as if you were just meeting for the first time.
I´m a cheesy romantic, I must admit, and sometimes all this lovey dovey stuff disgusts you, but I know there are girls out there that feel that they need this. That they need to feel those butterflies in their stomach gain and have their heart skip a beat. To dream about the other person´s face. Anything that makes them believe they are in love and the other person is in love with them.
I felt this way once. Way in the beginning, but now I see all those actions and all those thoughts and dreams fading away. Unless someone changes, I´m not sure what´s going to happen. So many people telling me to give up but I continue to push. To dream. To yearn. Am I on my own? Am I the only one feeling this way? How will I know? There's no way I can know until it all begins to change and make sense. Only then will things be clear to me.