Happiness

Recently, my mom and I traveled to Cartagena, it´s a city by the coast of Colombia. While I was there I had the opportunity to spend time with my mom´s cousin. He´s the Captian of the Young marines, and he earned so much respect from me. On top of going through so much, he understands and appreciates life and has taught me so much.
He talked a lot about appreciating life and forgiving because if you hold in too much hate, it´ll burn inside you longer and it´s more excruciating than taking a bullet. At the same time he admits that he´s made mistakes in life but has learned from them and aims to fix those mistakes if not prevent them from occurring again.
My respect for him grows more and more every time I see and or here from him. Most of all I enjoy getting the opportunity to hear him talk because he has so much to say and such good advice. "Dios aprieta pero no ahoga." My translation of his quote is "God tightens, but He doesn´t choke." My mom´s cousin told me that life is too short not to live it to the fullest and enjoy yourself. Happiness is more important than anything else and education is something that will get you through life.
My mom's cousin is just one of many men and women who save our lives every single day, or at least protects us from what we are too afraid to confront: death. Yet, it's not death that I want to talk about it's happiness. Happiness gets lost behind so much stress and tears and insignificant fights. It's better to take some time for yourself and feel happy.
I got back from Colombia 2 days ago and seeing my boyfriend and friends again makes me happy to know that people really did miss me. Tomorrow I am making the attempt to go volunteer again at my church because I missed everyone there. Last night, however, was a night I hope to remember forever. I got to go eat with my friends then go to the park at night and talk to them. We split up, two and two, and I went to talk to Bobby. Bobby is truly an anchor for me and is always there for me. We were catching up, talking about my vacation and his trip visiting Universities. At some point in our conversation, things got serious.
Senior year, it was something we wanted to enjoy and hopefully with each other. He told me that I was very strong and that he admires me for what I've been through and what I continue to face. Honestly, he spoke very nice words to me that I hadn't heard in a long time and that made me appreciate him as a friend and admire him as a person. He's less than a month younger than me but the way he speaks is way beyond his years. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to an adult, but that's what makes him so special. He knows just what to say and do and he truly has things figured out. He knows how he wants to live and is proud of it.
On the other hand, I'm lost, still trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. Decisions for me are too complicated and take too much time. It's hard for me to admit what I feel to people but can talk about it like crazy to other people. Attention and drama is normally what I look for and that's a bad habit that could potentially get me into a lot of trouble. Bobby really helped me see that no matter what I decide to say or do it was my choice and I need to take the responsibility without feeling guilty about it or it'll eat me up inside.
My worst fear is doing harm to anybody. Hurting someone's feelings or making them feel excluded. Seeing anyone cry makes me want to cry. Someone freaking out makes me want to help calm them down and find out what's wrong. "What if's" flood my mind and I can never get a clear response. At the same time it's like there's so many signs showing me the answer but I never know whether they're temptations or signs. The world is a complicated place but my mind is a hassle and a child. I'm indecisive and unsure of myself. I'm paranoid and lost.
Soon, I tell myself, things will change for the better whether it's someone else in the picture or up to me to accomplish it. I'm taking control from now on and even thought I'm scared, Bobby helped assure me that there's no wrong answer, and whether I think it's a mistake somehow, in the end, it helped me learn and grow and make just that much stronger than I was. There's nothing more I search for than to be happy with those around me.
Here's my challenge to you: Make a list, almost like a bucket list, and inspire yourself to accomplish something, anything. Big, small, insignificant. Anything that'll make you feel like you accomplished something and can do anything in life.