Not ready

It has come to my attention that I am not ready to have kids any time soon. Unfortunately, at my age of 19, there are quite of few girls who have had children. When I see those girls looking at me with something in their eye, I'm not sure if it's jealousy or shock. It's not as uncommon anymore to see a pregnant teen, which is heart wrenching. These girls have most likely put their education on hold and took care of the baby, that's if they had no other way to go about finishing school.
I'm the youngest in my family, so I didn't grow up taking care of children, babysitting, or changing diapers. I am extremely clueless as to how to hold a baby or what their cries mean. My godmother had a baby girl almost two years ago and every time I tried to hold her, she would cry, and I would freak out. What did I do? Did I hurt her? Is she dying? Nope. She was hungry. It made me red with embarrassment that I didn't know better, but I know that I want to be a mother some day so I told myself to get some experience.
Around the same time my godmother had her baby, I started to baby sit a 6-year-old who was adorable and well-behaved. No necessary cooking or anything, just play with her; pretty basic. Recently, I volunteered for a Vocational Bible School for children from the age of 3-15. A lot of the older children were leaders, so attitudes weren't an issue. However, when I asked to volunteer the woman in charge asked if I could direct preschoolers in games. It sounded like fun, and I have no issue with committing to a theme and talking to children. Little did I know that most of the preschoolers would be 3 years of age and somewhat of a handful.
We had a total of 25 kids in preschool, so we split them into two groups: half would do crafts and the other half would play games with me, then switch after they had their snack. The games seemed easy and I focused on playing at least two a day for one week. I'd rephrase some of them so they would understand better but I was not ready for getting them to stay still or listen. Every day I'd have to find some clever way to set them up, whether it was standing in a line, splitting them up, having them sit and so on. My first day, I had a young girl constantly putting her hand in the fountain we had in the courtyard and getting some of my supplies wet. The second day, I had three kids fall while they were running. My third day went better where I had certain groups set up a different way and I made sure no one ran, and had to yell at some boys for not listening. My fourth day was the best day since all the groups listened and understood the game. Unfortunately, my last day I had to force one group not to play a game because they wouldn't listen to the rules I gave them. Whilst setting up and standing in the sun, I had to deal with screaming children, children who always whined, others would cry, some wouldn't listen, some wouldn't shut up, needless to say, I had a great mix of children for a week.
The woman in charge was telling me one morning that "the best way to enforce abstinence is to put teens in a room of preschoolers and babies, just to see how they would deal with it." Brilliant! I am soooo not ready. Despite the fact that I had a blast watching them play and dance, it was clear to me that I am not ready to put my education, job, and life on hold to take care of a baby, let alone raise them. Say I was pregnant at this moment, I do not have a steady job, it's only part time and I still live with my parents. I'm only going into my second year of college and was hoping to graduate, but with a baby, I can't do that. Say my boyfriend wanted to help with this baby, he is also working a part time job, going to school, and living with his parents. Most likely we'd both be kicked out and can't afford a place or even a meal, the entire idea of having a baby just does not suit.
I'm not saying all teens would not succeed in raising their child well, but there is a lot at stake. Definitely keep in mind everything that would change for a baby. The environment and people they'll be exposed to and how they'd be raised. All the supplies needed for a baby: diapers, stroller, crib, changing station, etc. all cost money. Babies shouldn't be tossed aside or given to your mother, grandmother, relatives in general because you weren't ready isn't fair to them or the baby. If you're not ready for a baby in your life, take the proper precautions and think things through.
I just want to send a message to all teenage girls, if there are any reading my posts: please think things through. If you're not ready to put your entire soul into raising a child then don't have unprotected sex. At least protect yourself as much as you can. I can't tell you not to have sex because that's your decision, not mine, but please, don't bring a child into this world without having an idea of how you want to bring him/her up.